Sinners in Sin City
by Screaming Kittycat
Summary: Phil was a free man as now he was trying for a divorce, he now had time to pursue his relationship with his long time friend Max (Maxine) the gang was going to have a night they WONT remember
1. The gang is back together

**I've been obsessed with doing a hangover fiction ever since I started reading them, I wanted to do my own version. I hope you enjoy this little fic**

"You've reached Doug, Sorry I missed your call, please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you"

"Hi, you've reached Dr. Stuart Price with Divine Dentistry, please leave a message after-"

"Hey this is Phil, leave me a message or don't. Do me a favour, don't text me, it's gay"

"Hi this is Max's phone, I'm either away or performing a surgery right now so please call back when you can or leave a message and I will get back to you" Tracy sighed and placed her phone back on her dressing table

"Anything?" her mother Linda asked desperately, she didn't want her daughter's wedding day, the day she has dreamt of since she was a little girl, ruined by the man she was to marry

"I've tried them all, it keeps going straight to voicemail"

"Well, there has to be an explanation" Linda placed her hands on her hips and gave Tracy a reassuring smile

"Sweetie, it's Vegas" Sid, Linda's husband spoke from the couch, his eyes not looking up from the magazine he was reading "You lose track of time in casinos, there's no windows, there's no clocks, he's probably on a heater, and you never walk away from the table when you're on a heater"

"You do if you're getting married" Linda shot back, finally showing her frustration

A cell phone ring stopped the oncoming argument between the parents, Tracy snatched it off the table and answered it "Hello?"

"Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil" Tracy shot up from here chair

"Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out"

"Yeah, listen Uh…we fucked up" Tracy began pacing around the room

"What are you talking about?"

"The bachelor party, the whole night it…things got out of control, uh…and we lost Doug" Tracy stopped pacing

"What?"

"We can't find Doug"

"What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in five hours" her voiced got louder as she talked, panic began to set in

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen"

 **THE HANGOVER**

"Doug, it's a _bachelor_ party, meaning it's men only, I'm a woman"

"It's my bachelor party and if I say that you are going then you're going, I want you there Max" the woman in question sighed loudly and shook her head

"Fine, you're lucky that Eden is at his Grandparents house this weekend otherwise I wouldn't have been able to go"

"Alright, do you want me to pick you up or do you wanna drive here?"

"Pick me up, I'll need to pack a few things"

"Be ready in at least an hour"

"Ok I will see you soon, bye" Max hung up and put her phone in her pocket, she quickly rushed upstairs and grabbed a travel bag and stuffed in everything she thought she needed for a two day trip in Las Vegas that was happening before Doug's wedding day, her parents were friends with Doug's parents long before they were born so it was only natural for them to be friends since they saw each other almost all the time as kids, Stu and Phil were added into this friendship circle when they all met in kindergarten. She didn't know whether to call Alan, Tracy's brother, her friend or not because honestly sometimes he creeps her out, he always wanted to come into her work and watch her perform surgery on an animal, she had to say no since it was just too dangerous and she didn't want any of her medical tools to disappear

Her inner monologue was broken when a car horn sounded from outside, she grabbed her bag and ran out of the house, she quickly locked her door and dived into the car

"Watch the car Max!" Doug cried loudly, watching her from the rear-view mirror as she crawled into a seating position

"I'm not a fatass Doug, I won't break the car, it's too nice to break" she pushed her bag under her feet and rested back on the chair "So Mr soon to be married man, are you excited for Vegas?"

"Yes I am, having all you guys together will be the greatest moment of my life" Max nodded "You remember Alan" Max turned her pale blue eyes to the thick bearded man who sat in the passenger's seat

"Of course I do, you gave him my number so he never stops texting me" she said cheerily, but Doug could tell she was annoyed by the bearded child calling her almost every night

"I only do that because I'm curious on how to take care of a dog"

"Well at least you are asking me instead of doing things by yourself" she ran a hand through her light blonde hair and looked back to Doug "So who are we picking up next, dentist or schoolboy?"

"Schoolboy"

"Phil isn't in school" Alan said in confusion

"No he isn't but he works in a school, you know what never mind" Max shook her head "It's good that he's coming with us, it will take his mind off the non-existent divorce he's been trying to get but his Psycho wife won't let him"

"She's not that bad Max" Doug said, trying to be nice but only received at loud snort

"Doug, the only reason Phil married her was because her and her mother forced him too"

"That's not that bad"

"She poked holes in all his condoms so he could get her knocked up" Doug sighed and shook his head, knowing she was right. They ended the conversation when they arrived in front of the school

"Ahem, do you have to park so close?" Alan asked, his chin was resting against his chest as if to hide his face behind his thick bushy hair

"Yeah, what's wrong?" Doug asked in slight concern

"I shouldn't be here" Max turned towards the hiding man, afraid of what reason he had for not being in front of a school

"Why is that Alan?"

"I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school" Max's expression turned into one of disgust, she really didn't want to know what he did to be banned from a school "Or a Chuck E. Cheese"

"Mr Wenneck, I was-"

"It's the weekend, I don't know you, you do not exist" The trio heard the suave voice of Phil Wenneck and all turned their heads to him, he walked towards them with his ever confident stride, he smirked when he saw Doug in one of the nicest cars he's seen in years "Shit" Doug began laughing "Nice car"

"Yeah"

"I'm driving" He threw his bag to Max who caught it with a chuckle

"No chance buddy-" Phil began climbing into the car "- don't step- god watch the leath-"

"Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question"

"Animal" Phil ruffled Max's hair before he noticed Alan in the front seat

"Who's this?"

"It's Alan, Tracy's brother" Dug clarified as he started the car once more

"I met you, like, four times" Alan began pouting since his hero didn't remember him

"Oh yeah, how you doing man?" said Phil, trying to stop the man child from crying

"You have the memory of a goldfish" Max teased as the car drove away from the school, Phil turned his icy blue eyes to the woman who sat on the other end of the car, he raked his eyes over her curvaceous form before landing on her attractive face, she had high cheek bones, a button nose, lushes full lips and soft jaw. Her blonde hair was down but pinned back by a headband so the wind wouldn't blow her hair in her face. She wore a simple black singlet that gave him a nice view of her ample cleavage and tight jeans that showed her well-shaped legs and thick rounded ass

"Don't you look sexy as hell today Max"

"No flirting in the car, I don't want to hear this" Doug said without looking at them

"Aww Doug I didn't get to flirt back"

"Do it in Vegas, or when I'm not in earshot" Doug ordered, his tone stern but not overly so, he was glad that Phil was able to freely flirt with Max without it being like he's cheating on Stephanie but Max was his sister (in spirit) so he didn't want to hear it

They drove into a quiet street with people jogging everywhere and kids playing in their front grounds, they stopped in front of a nice white house before stopping the car "Alright Max time to hide" Max nodded to Doug and turned to Phil

"This is gonna be an awkward position so bear with me"

"No problem, Stu won't be able to go if Melissa bitch see's you" Max nodded and slipped off the back seat so her body was on the floor, she crawled so her body was in between Phil's legs "Oh the possibilities…" he muttered to himself when he saw Max's face so close to his genitals

"Alright call him" Phil nodded and cupped his hands around his mouth

"Paging Dr. Faggot!" He smiled when he heard Max giggled and rest her face against his inner thigh to stop her giggling from being too loud less Melissa hear her "Dr. Faggot!" they waited for a couple of seconds before they saw Stu walk out of his house with a small bag and race towards the car

"Let's go before Melissa changes her mind" he hurried around to the other side of the car and hopped in, he looked over to Phil and noticed Max between his legs "Oh hey Max"

"Hi Stu" he gave him a big smile and waited for the car to be out of the street before hopping up to sit in the middle

"Why where you sitting between Phil's legs?" Stu asked

"Making sure Melissa would let you go to Vegas" Max replied

"Oh yeah I guess that was a good idea, good to see you again though" Max smiled and gave Stu a one armed hug, Phil grabbed a casket of beer and passed it around to the group, Doug being the driver denied it but the others happily began drinking

They were driving on the highway to Vegas when Alan suddenly stood up and started yelling "Whoo! Road trip!" he looked to the side and saw a girl in the back seat of a car driving beside them "Vegas! Vegas, baby!" the girl glared at him and put up the rude finger, Alan sat back in his seat and pouted, the others ignored him and continued drinking

"Come on, just till Barstow, everybody's passing us" Phil complained from the back seat

"Absolutely not, I promised Sid I will be the only one driving this car" Doug immediately shot Phil down "Besides, you're drinking"

"Oh what are you, a cop now? You know I drive great when I'm drunk" Stu swallowed the beer in his mouth before speaking

"True, don't forget, Phil was always our designated drunk driver"

"Yep Phil always saved us from having to catch a taxi or walk home, besides he hasn't really drunk that much" Max chipped in, thinking that they would be in Vegas right now if it wasn't for Doug's Grandma driving

"Yeah, you wanna explain it to them Alan?" the bearded child turned around to look at the trio behind him

"Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me so yeah" Phil sighed loudly

"Aw, whatever. I left my Divorce case and kid back home so I could go with you guys" he leaned over to Alan "You know how difficult that was?"

"That's really sweet" Alan cooed

"Yeah" Doug said in a suspicious tone knowing that Phil would do everything he could to get away from his Psycho soon to be ex-wife so he could go have fun with Max like he used to

"Dude, I was being sarcastic, I fucking hate my life" he sat back in his seat and put an arm around Max who leaned in to him with a chuckle "I may never go back, I might stay in Vegas"

"Here we go" Doug said under his breath

"Doug, enjoy yourself because come Sunday your gonna start dying just a little bit everyday" he looked down at Max and shook her "Hey Max, wanna get married to me in Vegas?" she shoved him with a soft laugh

"Yeah, that's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?" Alan chimed in, earning him a look of disbelief from the others

"Oh really? That's why you're single?" Stu said sarcastically, ignoring Doug's disapproving look

"Yeah"

"Cool, good to know" Max slapped Stu's arm

"Lighten up Stu, I'm sure he drowns in girls almost every night" she looked to Phil with a smirk "It must be so hard fighting off all those woman"

"Yeah it's a hard life" Phil chuckled at Alan's comment and ruffled Max's hair when she leant her head against his chest

"Am I alright over there Alan?" Doug asked

"Yeah you're good" replied Alan who didn't even look, Doug moved to merge into the right lane only to quickly swerve back when a truck honked it's horn and nearly hit him

"Oh my god!"

"That was Awesome!"

"Fuck me! Alan!" Max screamed, her arms where holding onto Phil's waist for dear life whilst he laughed his head off

"That was not awesome, what's wrong with you?" Phil and Max were giggling whilst Stu was freaking out

"That was insane, we almost just died!" Stu cried

"You should have seen your face" Alan was laughing loudly "Classic"

"That was funny" Max nodded to Phil's statement and gave Alan a high five

"It's not funny" Doug glared at the road

"Can we stop at a station? I need to pee"

"Max, we didn't need to know that"

"Not sorry Doug" Doug shook his head and pulled off the highway to the nearest station, he told Alan to stay with the car so the rest of them could go inside to get food

Max was looking over all the ice-cream cones when hands grabbed her waist "Eekk!" she squealed and turned around to see who startled her, she saw the orange tinted sunglasses and pushed at Phil's chest "Don't do that Phil!"

"Oh you were just asking for it, you were just standing there staring at the ice-cream like your life depended on it"

"Ice-cream is important, I have to choose the right one"

"Just choose Chocolate swirl, that's your favourite" She huffed and turned back to the ice-cream

"Maybe I wanted to try something different" She opened the fridge and grabbed a chocolate swirl

"And yet your still choosing it" he chuckled softly at her antics "so…how's Eden" he asked hesitantly

"Oh he's doing fantastic, he does miss you though"

"I know, between court and working I haven't had a lot of time to come over to see him" his shoulders sagged, he went on this trip to forget about Stephanie and the divorce

"I know, luckily you will be able to see him at Doug's wedding" she turned and walked to where Doug was waiting at the front counter, they waited in line and watched Alan threaten an old man

"He's actually kind of funny" Phil said after a moment of silence

"Yeah, he means well"

"I'll hit an old man in public" Alan shouted to the quickly retreating old man

"Is he all there? Like, mentally?"

"I think so, he's just an odd guy" Doug stopped to think for a second "You know, he's kind of weird"

"I mean, should we be worried?" Max asked

"No"

"Alright"

"No, Tracy did mention that we shouldn't let him gamble…or drink too much"

"Jesus, he's like a gremlin" said Phil as he walked up to the counter "Comes with instruction and shit" Stu walked up and put a bottle of water on the counter

"And one water" Doug turned to Stu

"All good with Melissa?"

"Oh yeah, told her we were two hours outside wine country and she bought it" Phil shook his head and turned to his idiotic friend

"You think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for years and you have to lie about Vegas?"

"Yeah I do, but trust me it's not worth the fight, besides you lie to Stephanie all the time"

"Yeah but I don't like Stephanie, you like Melissa" Phil poked Stu in the chest "You can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a carnival cruise line?"

"Hey" Doug cut in

"Okay, first of all, he was a bartender and she was wasted" Phil showed no emotion "and if you must know, he didn't even come inside her"

"And you believe her?"

"Uh yeah I do believe that because she's grossed out by semen" Max snorted and laughed loudly

"Stu, women aren't grossed out by semen were addicted to it just ask Phil?"

"Yeah she likes sucking me off every time she sees me"

"That'll be 32.50" the cashier lady cut in, hoping this group would leave her store, Phil looked to Stu

"It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?" Stu groaned and stepped forward whilst the others walked to the car "this thing with Melissa is ridiculous"

"Just forget about it Phil, he's not gonna change his mind" Max patted his arm and jumped into the car, once Stu got in they continued their drive to Vegas

 **So how was that for a first chapter, it's only just beginning**


	2. Heading to Vegas

**So here is chapter 2, you've met Max and know her relationship with the others...mostly Phil. I changed the plot around where Phil is trying to divorce his Wife Stephanie but she is not wanting to be divorced and he doesn't have the money to afford a good enough lawyer that would help him get away from her. Anyway enough blabbering please enjoy**

The group was enjoying their silent drive, they were taking in the scenery and enjoying the wind hitting their faces "It says here we should work in teams, who wants to be my spotter?" Alan decided to break the silence by talking about his Black jack book

"I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight Alan" Doug shot back

"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling?" Alan argued "it's not gambling when you know you're gonna win, counting cards is a fool proof system" Stu looked at Alan like he was an idiot

"It's also illegal"

"Only If you get caught Stu" Max commented

"It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane" Doug chuckled

"Yeah I'm pretty sure that's illegal too"

"Yeah maybe after 9/11 where everybody got so sensitive"

"Alan…"

"Thanks a lot, Bin Laden" everyone decided to give up

"Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards buddy, okay?"

"Oh really?"

"It's not easy"

"Well maybe we should tell that to _Rain Man_ because he practically bankrupted a casino and he was a r'tard"

"A what?"

"He was a r'tard"

"Retard" Doug corrected with a smile whilst he looked at Phil, both silently agreeing that the bearded child was hopeless, Max yawned and rested her head on Phil's chest, trying to catch a few z's before they arrived at Vegas

It was night time when they finally arrived in Vegas, Max was wide awake as she looked around her at all the lights of different sizes and colours that assaulted their eyes, sounds of people laughing, loud music play and car driving took over their senses. They stopped at Caesar's Palace where a valet took their car once all their luggage was taken out. As they walked inside two girls giggled as they checked out Phil who in turned checked them out

"Here we go" he leaned over to Max who was still looking at the girls asses "Think we can convince those girls to have a foursome?"

"Hmm hopefully" they laughed and followed the other three up to the front counter of the hotel

"Hi, welcome to Caesar's palace" a woman whose name tag said Lisa greeted them warmly

"Hello" Stu smiled back

"Checking in?"

"Yeah, we have a reservation under Dr. Price"

"Okay, let me look that up for you"

"Dr. Price?" Phil asked "Stu you're a dentist okay? Don't try and get fancy, Max is the doctor in this group"

"It's not fancy if it's true, and she's a vet"

"You have to get a doctorate before you can become a vet" Phil shot back before looking at Lisa "He's a dentist, don't get too excited" she smiled slightly "and if uh, someone has a heart attack you should still call 911, Max will probably be too drunk to help someone if their dying"

"We'll be sure to do that"

"Can I ask you a question?" everyone turned to Alan "Do you know if the hotel's pager friendly?"

"What do you mean?" Lisa asked

"I'm not getting a sig on my beeper"

"I'm not sure"

"Is there a payphone bank? Bunch of payphones? business" Lisa looked creeped out

"Um, there's a phone is your room" Alan nodded

"That'll work" Lisa turned back to the two adult looking men

"So I have you in a two bedroom suite on the 12th floor, is that okay?"

"That sounds perfect" Phil shook his head at Stu's comment

"Actually I was wondering if you had any villas"

"Were not even gonna be in the room"

"It's unnecessary"

"No big deal, we can share beds its one night"

"If we're sharing beds, I'm bunking with Phil" Alan looked to an annoyed teacher "You good with that?"

"No I'm not, I'd rather sleep with Max"

"Been there done that, besides I'm not sleeping on a couch" Max crossed her arms

"Guys we are not sharing beds, what are we 12 years old?" Phil turned to Lisa "Lisa, I apologize, how much is the villa?"

"Well, we have one villa available and it's 4200 for the night"

"Is it awesome?" asked Alan

"It's pretty awesome"

"We'll take it, Stu give her your credit card"

"I can't give her my credit card"

"We'll split it" Doug went to grab his card but Phil stopped him

"Are you crazy? No, this is on us"

"You don't get it, Melissa checks my statements" Max rolled her eyes and Phil looked at Stu like he was crazy to still be with Melissa

"We just need a credit card on file, we won't charge you until you check out so you can figure it out then"

"That's perfect, thank you Lisa" Phil flashed Lisa one of his winning smiles and turned to Stu "We'll deal with it tomorrow, come on"

"Fine" Stu rolled his eyes and handed his card over

"Can I ask another question?" Lisa looked over to Alan, not really wanting to talk to him but has to because it was her job

"Sure"

"You probably get this a lot but this isn't the real Caesar's palace, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did, uh…did Caesar live here?" the group looked at him like he was stupid

"Um no"

"I didn't think so" Stu got his card back and lead everyone to the Villa on the top of the hotel, he handed a Villa card to each of them and put his into the door when they arrived

"Wow"

"Now this is Vegas" the Hotel shared no expense, the windows covered the back wall showing the perfect view of Vegas, the chairs were soft and would sink wherever you sat to provide you with the best comfort, the bar was stocked with various alcohol and non-alcoholic beverages, lights dangles from the ceiling with a dull glow to give off a relaxing aura, the carpet was as soft as a kittens fur and the tiles were pure white, a black piano stood off to the side just beside the couch for anyone who was in the classical mood, various plants and other décor completed the rich look

"Oh my, this place is enormous"

"Now where talking"

"Is this all one suite?" Doug asked as he walked into the lounge area "Thank you guys, or should I say thank you Stu?"

"You're welcome, its only because I love you" Max walked over to Doug and gave him a big kiss on the cheek

"Only the best for you Doug"

"Ok Ladies, pick a room, get dressed, let's be ready in 30 minutes" Phil walked over to Max and grabbed her arm "Since there are only four rooms I'm bunking with Max" He dragged Max off to the very last room in the suite and closed the door

"You didn't ask me if I wanted to share a bed with you" Maxed teased as she placed her bag on the bed, she began pulling out everything she would need for tonight, make up, hair supplies, dress, shoes, jewelry

"I didn't want to bunk with Alan and if we get drunk I want to have the same room as you when we fuck" he stepped forward and pulled Max into his arms so they were chest to chest

"Who said we would fuck?" she spoke softly, almost seductively

"Because every time we're drunk together we fuck, that's why we stopped partying when I was married but now that I'm a free man…" he leaned in so they were nose to nose "I want to catch up on what we missed" she giggled

"Well let me get dressed so we can get there faster" she gave him a chaste kiss and stepped away from him, she grabbed her items for tonight and headed into the bathroom to shower off the sweat and dirt she picked up from the drive, she washed quickly and put on her lacy underwear so Phil could shower too, she did her make-up and styled her hair into a bun on her head whilst Phil showered, she wasn't embarrassed about seeing his naked form since she's fucked him multiple times and Phil didn't care when he caught her staring at him since he was staring at her body too.

Once she was done with her make-up she grabbed her dress off the rack and carefully slipped it on, her dress was a deep red with long sleeves that went up and covered her neck, a heart was cut into the dress to show her cleavage, the dress was fitted to her perfectly and showed every curve and angle and a slit on the side went all the way up to her hip to show her long legs, she wore Chalany High heels her Grandmother imported from Australia for her birthday.

"Can you give me a hand with this tie" she turned to face Phil who was in all black, she shook her head and slid the tie off his neck

"You don't need it" she slid her hands up his chest and undid the first 2 buttons of his shit "there, you are the meaning of sexy right now" she slid her hands off his chest and stepped back "So, do you like my dress" she did a twirl and jumped a little so her breasts would jiggle

"Hmmm can we just stay in here so I can ravish you?" Phil spoke in a husky tone, unable to take his eyes off her luscious body

"No its Doug's night tonight, wait until tonight so we can blame it on alcohol" Phil nodded and followed her out of the room and into Stu's, they looked at Stu impatiently when they saw he was still in his underwear

"What else? Um…we met the uh, proprietor, what's his name? Um Caesar. Palacè…Yeah like the salad…ok well listen, I gotta go, because we're gonna hit this wine tasting…wait, wait, I love you…okay…bye" Stu put his phone down and went to his bag

"I'm not even gonna say anything, it's so embarrassing" Phil spoke from Stu's bed, Max was leaning on the wall beside him

"Where's Alan?" Stu asked, deciding to ignore Phil

"He, uh, he went downstairs, he said he had to grab a few things" Doug said from a chair near the door

"Good because I have something to show you" he grabbed a small jewelry box and opened it up to show a beautiful ring

"Uh oh" Doug said excitedly

"What the hell is that?"

"What do you think it is?" Phil shook his head

"If it's what I think it is it think it's a big fucking mistake" once again Stu ignored him

"I'm gonna propose to Melissa at your wedding, after the ceremony" he finally began dressing himself

"Stuey congratulations!" Doug cheered

"That's a nice ring Stu"

"Thank you Doug, Max, it's my grandmothers, she made it all the way through the Holocaust with that thing"

"It shouldn't be on Melissa's finger, something that nice shouldn't be on something that horrible" Stu glared at Max

"Have you not listened to anything I have ever said?" Phil threw the remote to the Tv on the bed and looked at Stu

"Phil, we've been dating for three years, it's time, this is how it works"

"A, that is bullshit and B, she is a complete bitch"

"Hey that's his fiancé" Doug defended

"Not yet it isn't" Max shot back

"What it's true, it's true, you know it's true, she beats him" Phil jumped off the bed and looked at Doug

"That was twice and I was out of line, she's strong willed and I respect that"

"Wow, wow"

"That's not strong willed that's an abusive woman" Max looked at Stu in pity

"He's in denial, not to mention she fucked a sailor"

"Hey, he wasn't a sailor, he was a bartender on a cruise ship, you know that" Max honestly couldn't tell whether Doug was defending Stu and Mellissa or taking the piss out of them

"Guy's i'm standing right here so I can hear everything that you're saying"

"We know that, that's why we're saying it" Max pointed out, earning her a fuck you from Stu. Alan decided to come in just when the argument was getting heated

"Hey guys, you ready to let the dogs out?" everyone looked at him like he was crazy, they seemed to be doing that a lot today

"What"

"Do what?"

"Let the dogs out, you know" he began singing who let the dogs out and doing a weird dance with his legs

"Who brought this guy?" Phil looked to Doug like it was his fault

"Yes Alan we are ready to let the dogs out" Doug, ever the peacekeeper, gave Alan a kind smile and turned to Stu "hey, congrats"

"Thank you"

"Hurry up and get dressed, I'm sick of seeing your hairy chest" Max ordered sternly

"But you've seen Phil's chest and he's got hair"

"Yeah but he isn't chubby and his chest doesn't look like Chewbacca from Star Wars" Stu scoffed and turned around to put on a shirt. Once he was finally fully dressed they headed out of the Villa and over to the elevator to go to wherever Phil was taking them

"I love this fucking town" Phil had the biggest grin on his face that Max had ever seen, she was grateful that he was able to get away from all the drama he had to deal with like the divorce that wasn't going through because Stephanie wouldn't sign the papers and the annoying kids he had to deal with at work, kids were nasty and rude and she honesty didn't know how he kept his job since he doesn't take shit from any one, not even children "You're not really wearing that, are you?" Phil asked Alan when he saw the brown pure on his hip, he could deal with the stupid shirt he was wearing but not the purse

"Wearing what?" Alan asked, not knowing what was wrong with what he's wearing, he felt handsome and rich

"The man purse" Phil looked at his friends "You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys fucking with me?"

"It's where I keep all my things I get a lot of compliments on this" Alan defending his purse "plus, it's not a man purse it's called a satchel, Indiana Jones wears one"

"So does Joy Behar" Max nudged his shoulder and gave him a look to tell him it wasn't worth it, they turned to the elevator when it opened and saw a man kneeling before a woman with his face under her dress, they quickly stopped when they heard the door open and stood beside each other

"We're going up, guys" the man asked, trying to act like he wasn't just eating out the woman beside him

"That's perfect"

"Really? We're going up?" Phil nodded and pulled Max into his arms when he saw the man giving her a leachy look, the woman was eyeing him up also but he wasn't bothered by it like he knew Max would be by the man, he looked like an 80s porn star was eating his daughter out, it just looked wrong. Once they were out of the elevator they walked along a hallway that had signs saying staff only "I'm just saying, it's clearly marked okay?" Stu was already complaining "We are definitely not supposed to be up here"

"Come one, we're paying for a villa, we can do whatever the fuck we want" Phil wasn't having Stu's complaining

"Yeah but-"

"Just wedge the door open" he walked over to a ladder pulled Max over so she could go up first "Guys come up here"

"Fine" Stu relented and propped it open by a besser block that was nearby, Phil smiled as he looked up at Max's ass as she carefully climbed up the ladder, making sure her heels wouldn't slip and cause her to fall

"How the hell did you find this place?" Doug asked as they reached the top

"Don't worry about it" Phil smiled at the amazed and awed looks Doug and Max had

"This is amazing, I can see all of Vegas!" Max cried out happily, she ran over to Phil and kissed his cheek

"Look at the view up here"

"You happy?" Doug nodded and hugged Phil

"Alan, how we doing buddy?"

"Good"

"What do you got over there, Alan?" Doug saw the small shot glasses and bottle "Uh oh, a little Jägermeister"

"Good idea"

"There it is, good call, on the roof" Alan handed out a glass to each person

"Um no this is good I'd like to make a toast" Stu brought out his glass to be filled by Phil "To Doug and Tracy, may tonight be…but a minor speed bump...in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage" everyone brought up their glasses and cheered "Short and sweet" they all took a drink

"Oh it's like college"

"There's no strippers here Doug, so not quite like college" Doug laughed and shoved Max slightly

"All right I wanna talk about something, I want to-"

"I'd like to-" Alan cut Phil off, Max grabbed Phil's hand to stop him from doing something bad "I'd like to say something…that I prepared" he pulled out a small slip of paper from his man purse "Tonight"

"Alright Alan" Alan unfolded the paper and began reading

"Hello, how about that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin city" Alan laughed but no one else found it funny, or understood what that meant "You guys might not know this but I consider myself a bit of a loner, I tend to think of myself as a one man wolf pack, but when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own, and my wolf pack, it grew by one, so were there two-so there were two of us in the wolf pack, I was alone first in the pack and then Doug joined in later" Phil looked at Max like Alan was nuts, she shrugged and gave him a looked that said to be silent "And six months ago…when Doug introduced me to you guys I thought: wait a second, could it be? And now, I know for sure I just added two more guys and a girl to my wolf pack"

"Alright" everyone cheered

"Five of us wolves, running around the desert together in Las Vegas…looking for strippers and cocaine, so tonight…" Alan pulled out a small knife "I make a toast"

"What?"

"What do you got there?" they all screamed and stepped back when he sliced his palm open deeply "Dude what the fuck?" Phil grabbed Max and pulled her behind him in case Alan did something worse

"What the hell are you doing?" Doug cried

"What is that"

"Blood brothers" Alan looked at Max who was looking at him from behind Phil "and sister"

"Don't- why did you-?

"Damn it"

"Here" Alan brought the knife out

"Alan-no"

"No I'm not doing that" Doug stepped forward and hesitantly brought his hand out

"Make him stop"

"Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves, give me the knife" he grabbed the knife off of Alan and threw it to the floor "thank you, okay, thank you very much" Max sighed and slowly pulled away from behind Phil to stand beside him

"Are you alright? Are you okay" Phil asked, steel feeling slightly freaked out, Alan nodded whilst he sucked on the wound

"Let me have a look" Max stepped over and gently grabbed his hand "he's good, he won't need stitches" she stepped back

"Alan come here buddy"

"Get in here crazy"

"Alright" Phil once again raised his glass "To a night the five of us will never forget" they all clinked their glasses together and drank it all in one shot, none of them knew that they would not remember this night at all

 **Tada another chapter done, I wonder what mischief the gang will get up to from now until the** **next chapter**


	3. A night they forgot

**I don't know what to say here other than they have woken up and are now royally fucked**

The next morning the hotel was in a wreck, there was wine glasses scattered around the Jacuzzi, a blow up doll covered in questionable white liquid in every place other than what the doll was intended for. Clothes covered the couch and floor, other props that weren't there last night were in piles everywhere around the Villa, the television was barely hanging on the back wall, it was heavily smashed and unable to turn on if you tried. A bowling alley was set up behind the kitchen table but instead of kingpins it was wine bottles, a chicken waddled past and almost knocked the pins over. A half-naked woman tip-toed through the Villa and out the door, the soft click of the door woke an incredibly hungover Stu, he forced his aching limbs to move so he could stand, he placed his glasses on and looked around the room which was in total disarray, he had major bags under his bloodshot eyes, a little blood dribbled out of the corner of his mouth, his head was pounding and his vision blurry as he sat down on the couch to try to clear his head and rest his already aching muscles. He groaned when he saw an equally disgruntled and hungover half-naked Alan slip and fall to the ground. Stu watched silently as the fat man scurried slowly towards the main bedroom, he walked past a completely naked Phil and Max who were holding onto each other tightly, the blanket covered Max and Phil's lower body but the top half was uncovered, luckily Phil's hand was holding onto one of Max's breasts whilst his arm covered the other.

Alan clumsily walked into the bathroom and pissed straight into the open toilet bowel, he looked to the side when he heard a growl and saw a tiger lounging on the floor, he pissed on the side of the wall whilst it took him a moment for the tiger to register in his mind "Stupid tiger…" he froze when he realised what he just said, he gasp and pushed himself against the wall and much as he could, he ran out of the room when the tiger roared at him, he ran out of the bathroom and tripped over Phil and Max who groaned and curled into each over

"What the fuck?" Phil groaned as he clutched at his stomach

"Why'd you have to fall on me!" Max yelled only to wince as her loud voice pierced her hungover brain, she laid her head against Phil's thick muscly arm in hopes of his cold skin cooling her burning forehead

"Control yourself, man" Phil sat up and pulled Max to him when he realised she was naked "Goddamn, will you put some pants on?"

"Phil, Max do not go in the bathroom!" Alan cried out desperately

"Al, just calm down, it's me" Alan stood up and pointed to the bathroom

"Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom!"

"What's going on?" Stu asked from the chair he was sitting on, his voice slurring slightly

"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!" Phil grabbed his pants from beside him and slipped them on under the blanket, he wrapped it around Max to cover her bare form and kissed her temple before he stood up and faced Alan to calm him down

"Okay, okay, Al, Al, I'll go check it out" he reassured Alan whilst trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his head

"Don't go in!" Alan cried whilst hoping from foot to foot "Don't go in, don't go in, be careful, don't don't!" Phil casually opened the door and looked to the left and saw the tiger, he cursed and slammed the door shut

"Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding" Phil grabbed a now standing Max and pulled her away from the door

"See! See! There's a tiger in there!" Stu's eyes widened in fear and denial

"No, there isn't" he denied whole heartedly

"Yeah! It's big, gigantic!" Alan wasn't helping the situation

"You okay, buddy?" Phil asked Stu as he grabbed a nearby shirt and pulled in over his bare chest "Go sit down on the couch Max, try and get your head cleared a little" the blonde haired girl nodded and tightened her hold on the blanket whilst she sat down on the couch

"No, I am in so much pain right now"

"Goddamn, look at this place" Phil sat down beside Max and pulled her into his chest, she sighed and closed her eyes

"I know, Phil, they have my credit card downstairs, I am so screwed" Stu rubbed his forehead whilst Alan continued to panic

"How does a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me!"

"Hey bro? you mind putting on some pants?" Phil looked at Alan in annoyance "I find it a little weird I have to ask twice"

"Pants at a time like this? I don't have any pan-" he bent down and wrap a towel around his junk

"What the fuck happened light night?" Phil asked whilst chuckling

"Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?" Stu opened his mouth to show a gap where a tooth shoot be, the teeth around it was stained with blood, Max and Phil leant forward to have a better look

"I can't-Oh, shit!" the strange couple started laughing when Stu started freaking out, he grabbed the nearest reflective surface and opened his mouth with his finger

"Oh my god!" Stu cried out, his panic getting the best of him "My lateral incisor's, it's gone!" he looked like he was going to start crying

"It's ok, okay, ok, just calm down, were fine, everything is fine" Max bent down and used the corner of her blanket to wipe at the blood on Stu's lips and chin "Alan go wake up Doug, let's get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada before housekeeping shows" Stu thanked Max once he was clean and looked to Phil like he was gonna loose it

"What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth, I have no idea how it happened" Stu was almost jumping in his seat

"You're freaking me out man" Phil grabbed an energy drink from the table, not caring if it was warm, and began sipping it slowly "I've got a massive headache okay? Let's just calm down" he past the drink to Max and watched as she sipped it slowly, making sure she didn't throw up or drink too quickly or too much

"How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you" Alan walked back in and stood in front of a statue that was chocking an Elvis Presley costume

"Hey guys, he's not in there" he pointed to Doug's room

"Did you check all the rooms?"

"Yeah I looked everywhere, plus his mattress is gone" Phil shrugged and leaned into Max, he rested his head onto Max's and sighed when she ran her fingers nails through his hair

"He probably went to the pool to get something to eat" he pulled out his cell phone "I'll just call his cell"

"I look like a nerdy hillbilly" Stu continued to ramble at himself as he looked at the gaping hole in his mouth, Phil snorted and brought the phone to his ear when it began to ring, they all looked to the counter when they heard Doug's cell phone buzzing, Alan spined in a circle and grabbed the phone

"Hello?"

"Alan?"

"Hey"

"It's Phil"

"Oh hey Phil" a realisation hit the bearded child "This is Doug's phone, this is Doug's phone!"

"No shit"

"Yeah" Phil ended the call and froze alongside the group when they heard a baby crying

"What the fuck is that?"

"Please don't tell me that's what I think it is" they shot up from their seats and hurried over to a cupboard where the baby crying was coming from, inside was a small little boy sitting in a baby holder, he was screaming his little lungs out, Max knelt down and tried to calm him by wiggling her finger in front of his face, he smiled and let out a little gurgle

"Whose fucking baby is that?" Phil looked at the baby like it was toxic

"Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?" Stu asked the bearded child

"Yeah I checked all the rooms, no one's here" Alan asked whilst in a trance, his eyes never leaving the laughing child

"Check it's collar or something" Max turned around and gave Phil a dry glare

"He's not a fucking dog Phil" she growled out at him but stopped when the baby started crying, she turned back and tried tickling him whilst her other hand clutched at her blanket that was barely hiding her dignity

"Max, we don't have time for this" Phil ignored Max's little jab at him "let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later" Stu looked at Phil like he was crazy

"Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room" he snapped at Phil "There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom"

"It's not our baby"

"Yeah I gotta side with Stu on this one" Alan finally looked away from the baby, Phil groaned

"All right, fine, okay we'll take it with us" he looked at Alan "Could you at least just find some pants?"

"He" Max corrected Phil and moved away so Alan could pick up the baby "let me get some clothes on real quick then we can leave" Max walked past the group and headed to the room she shared with Phil

"Hey, how you feeling?" Phil asked once he closed the door, he watched silently as she let the blanket drop from her bare body and pooled around her, her neck, breast and thighs were covered in bruises "We must have fucked like rabbits last night" he walked up to her and placed a kiss on her shoulder

"Wouldn't be the first time I've woken up with your love bits all over me" she turned around and pressed her body against his, he sucked in a breath when he felt and saw her breasts squish against his chest "hmm just thinking about it makes me excited, I wish I could remember" he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her as close as she possibly could be

"So do I" he spoke huskily to her, his face coming down to press his lips against hers, they stood still, kissing passionately. Phil slid his arms down and cupped her ass, earning him a soft moan

"Hmm…we need…to…look for Doug" Max forced out each word between kisses "Fuck me later" Phil groaned and after a long drawn out kiss her let her go

"You're right" he sighed and began buttoning up his shirt whilst she turned around and grabbed a pair of denim short shorts, a grey singlet and the shoes she wore into Las Vegas, once she got rid of the smudged make-up all over her face, she tied her hair up into a pony tail and put her clothes on.

They hurried outside to where Alan and Stu were waiting, Alan had a harness on his chest where the baby sat comfortably. On the way out they got a tea-towel and put some ice in the middle to make an ice pack, Stu put it to his aching hole to help ease the pain and stop the bleeding and swelling.

They walked into the elevator silently, all trying to force their brains to remember what happened last night, it was Stu who broke the silence "Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night?"

"Because we obviously had a great fucking time" Phil replied while looking at the love bites all over Max, he too had some but were hidden under his shirt, Max however didn't give a shit and wore them like a badge of honour. "Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute, be proud of yourself"

The elevator opened and an old woman walked in, she gave Alan and the baby a small smile as she stood beside him "Oh how cute, what's his name?" Alan hesitated, unable to think of a name right off the top of his head

"Ben"

"Carlos" the woman looked to the front, feeling suspicious and concered about the child

"It's Ben but his uncle has always wanted him to be called Carlos" Max came to the rescue

"Oh, so is he yours?" the lady asked

"Yes, mine and my husband" Max motioned to Phil "we're just letting his uncle hold him for today, had a bit of a rough night last night" the lady looked at the love bites on Max's neck and the hungover man beside her, she did not even wanna look at the man holding an ice pack to his mouth

"Yes I can tell, at least his uncle was sober"

"Yes we made sure of that" the elevator was quiet after that

They walked outside where scantily clad women were serving other scantily clad woman drinks and food, Phil, Max and Alan were sitting at a table eating food and sipping on orange juice whilst Stu went to look for Doug. Phil and Max were looking around and muttering to each other about the sexy girls strutting around "Hey Phil, Max, look" the strange couple looked at Alan who was making Carlos jack himself off "he's jacking his little weenis" Phil snorted and grinned at the small baby

"Pull yourself together man"

"Not at the table, Carlos" Alan continued his little joke

"I looked everywhere, Gym, casino, front desk, nobody's seen Doug, He's not here" Stu sat down in the chair at the end of the table with the ice bag stil pressed against his teeth

"He's fine, he's a grown man" Phil grabbed a cup of juice and put it in front of Stu "Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down, here have some juice" the dentist threw up immediately

"I can't have juice right now" Stu groaned

"Okay, all right, let's track this thing" Phil grabbed a napkin and brought a pen out of his pocket "What's the last thing we remember doing last night?"

"Well the first thing was we were on the roof…" Alan was trying to rack his brain for information "…and were having those shots of Jäger"

"And then we ate dinner at The Palm, right?"

"That's right" Alan nodded in agreement "And then we played craps at the Hard Rock, and I think Doug was there"

"That sounds right, no, no, he definitely was"

"You know what guys? I don't even remember going to dinner" Stu was irritated by this point

"I don't remember anything" Max groaned into Phil's shoulder

"What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hung-over" Phil leant back and pulled Max closer to him

"After the Hard Rock, I blacked out it was like emptiness" Alan laughed like this wasn't a serious situation, Phil brought a napkin closer to his face since it was difficult to read the further away it was from his face

"OK, we have up until 10 p.m…so that gives us a 12 hour window where we could have lost him" he looked at Max for confirmation but all she did was shrug her shoulders, her brain was unable to think of anything but the ache of a hangover

"What is this" Alan brought out a tooth and looked at it closely

"Oh my god, that is my tooth!" Stu cried out in shock, he grabbed the tooth from Alan "Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?"

"This is a good thing, no, check your pockets, check your pockets" the three boys rustled around in their pockets whilst Max sat back, she was wearing a dress and didn't have a purse with her, she had her card, ID, and other things in her bra "Do you have anything?"

"I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio, 11:05 for $800 I AM SO FUCKED!" Stu was livid now

"I have a valet ticket from Caesars, looks like we got in at 5:15 a.m" Alan placed the ticket on the table

"Oh shit, we drove last night?"

"Don't worry, you're a perfect driver when you're drunk" Max rubbed Phil's arm in comfort

"Driving drunk, classic" Alan laughed

"What's on your arm?" Max gasped and grabbed Phil's wrist

"Jesus Phil, you were in the hospital last night" Max grabbed Phil's face and checked him over for any injuries he has, she unbuttoned his shirt and looked at his chest

"I guess so yeah" he let Max check him over for injuries, he was happy that someone in his life cared and was looking after him. His own wife didn't do that, she was obsessed with him because he was attractive and everyone thought he was cool but other than that she couldn't give two shits, she wanted a trophy husband, he only married Stephanie because he didn't want his kid Eli to be born without a father, after 6 years he decided that Eli would be ok with his parents splitting up, now he could finally focus on Max and the strange relationship he had with her

"You ok?" Alan asked in concern

"Yeah Alan I'm fine" he looked at Max "Am I fine?" she looked up at him and nodded with a smile, she buttoned up his shirt and patted it down softly

"What the hell is going on?"

"Well Stu, this is a good thing, we have a lead now" Phil motioned to his wrist

"Hey Stu watch this" Alan jerked the kid off again, Stu laughed before he caught himself "You ever seen a baby do that?"

"Dude, Alan, not cool"

"Let's just get to the car so we can find Doug" Max stood from the table and motioned for the others to follow, she helped Carlos into Alan's harness before Phil pulled her along with him

 **The journey continued and the gang has begun to retrace their steps**


	4. The hospital

**I decided to make this a short chapter because i didn't have enough time to do more, I hope you enjoy it**

The group was standing in front of Caesars Palace for their car to arrive "so, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?" Stu asked Alan

"What, I've found a baby before" Alan defended, seeming to be offended by Stu's comment

"You found a baby before?" Stu looked at Alan like he was lying

"Yeah, where?"

"Coffee Bean" Max snapped her head to the side to look at Alan, she was worried for the baby now

"Wait What?" Stu was equally worried for the child

Alan turned to Phil who just rocked up "Hey Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes"

"Relax, we'll be careful" Phil brushed off Alan's comment

"My dad is crazy about that car, he left Doug in charge-"

"Alan we got bigger problems here" they were looking at Alan like he was stupid a lot today "Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt"

"Doug is more important than a car Alan" Max chimed in

"Let's worry about the car later"

"Uh guys, check it out" Stu point to behind them where the maintenance crew of the hotel was trying to pull a mattress off a statue

"Is that the mattress from Doug's room?" Alan asked casually

"Would explain why there isn't one in his room" Max muttered to herself

"What the fuck?" Phil walked over to a random man who was loading up his bags "hey man, what's going on here?"

"Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night"

"No shit"

"Yeah" the man looked at Stu "Some guys just can't handle Vegas" the man chuckled and walked away

"Ha-Ha" Stu laughed sarcastically "Oh god" Phil patted Stu arm in comfort

"It's gonna be okay, Stu" he looked up at the mattress "How the hell did we manage that?" a police car stopped in front of them and a valet stepped out

"Here's your car officers"

"Oh god" Stu sighed heavily

"Alright, everybody act cool, don't say a word" Phil took a sip of his coffee "Come on, let's just get in and go, come on" they began walking towards the car "Stu, you got a five?"

"No"

"I'll hit you on the way back"

"Thank you, sir" Phil sat in the drivers seat and Max sat in the passengers seat, Alan swung the car door open and nailed the baby in the face

"Oh my god, you just nailed the baby" the baby started cry loudly

"Are my glasses ok?"

"Glasses are fine, dick" once everyone was in the car, Phil turned the car on and started driving "this is so illegal" Stu said from the back seat

"Can't you see the fun part in anything?" Phil took a sip of his coffee

"Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car…with a missing child in the back seat" Stu drawled lazily "Which part of this is fun?"

"I think the cop-car part's pretty cool"

"Thank you Alan, it is cool, Doug would love it" Phil flipped a switch and the cars sirens went off "Check this out"

"Oh, no, Phil, no, Phil!" Stu began panicking

"Oh yes, yes yes Phil!" Max was egging him on so Phil began driving on the pathway, people screeched and moved out of the way

"Don't do this!"

"Yes do this!" Max was giggling like crazy

"Take it easy"

"Just try to call more attention to us" Phil grabbed the p.a and began speaking into it

 _Attention, Attention, please, move out of the way, I repeat please disperse"_

"Phil stop the car, I wanna get out, stop the car, I wanna get out, pull over!" Stu was screaming by this point, he was rattling on the cage that separated the front from the back

 _Ma'am in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack"_ Max whistled as she saw the woman skip past, her breasts jiggling with each step

"Man their almost better than mine!" she called out to Phil who chuckled

"Almost" he gave her a lopsided grin

"Get off the side walk! Get off the sidewalk!" Stu was screaming as he leaned out the window

"I should have been a fucking cop"

"Cops are hot" Max leaned over and placed a hand on Phil's thigh

"Yeah?" Phil looked over at Max again and smirked, he continued to drive on the side walk until they reached the hospital, they found the doctor that took care of Phil last night

"Look I already told you, you came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs, no big deal although none of you could articulate how it happened"

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" the doctor continued to look at the old man

"I don't know, I think it was just you guys, definitely no baby" he looked at Alan suspiciously "and one other guy"

"That's our guy, was he okay?" Stu asked desperately

"Yeah, he was fine, just whacked out of his mind, you all were" he turned back to the old man "alright, come forward, and turn" the doctor turned the old man and pulled down his underwear, Stu, Phil and Max turned away from the sight whilst Alan stared at it in a trance "there you go, and cough" Phil turned to look but Max covered his eyes, they turned back around when the doctor pulled up the old man's underwear "Ok Felix, you can put your robe on and the nurse will be in here in a minute, I'll see you after the weekend"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you doctor" the doctor turned towards the gang and cringed

"Guys, I really gotta go, I'm sorry I have a surgery up on the fourth floor" Phil grabbed a $100 bill out of his pocket and flashed it to the doctor

"No I know but we just need a couple more minutes of your time" the doctor nodded

"Yeah, tuck it right in there, I don't want to re-sterilize" Phil placed it in his pocket "walk with me" they walked through the halls "ok, here we go, patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a.m arrival, minor concussion, like I said, some bruising, pretty standard"

"Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor" Stu went to grab the file but the doctor moved it away

"Yeah, you said that several times last night, but really, you're just a dentist" he flipped through the file "Ok, this is interesting, both Mr Wenneck and Mrs Morr's blood work came in this morning"

"You took my blood?" Max asked

"Yeah, when a woman comes in as delirious as you were we have to make sure that you weren't drugged or in a dangerous situration, both of you found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system" Max gasped whilst the others looked confused "Ruphylin, roofies, commonly known as the date-rape drug" Phil tensed and looked at Max

"Wait so what are you saying, Max and I were raped last night?"

"Actually…" the doctor skimmed through the files "I don't think so, we checked Miss Morr and yes whilst she did have sexual intercourse it was not forced on her" Max and Phil sighed and smirked at each other since it was obvious who she had sex with "someone did slip you the drug, I'm not surprised you don't remember anything" Alan chuckled

"Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night remember?" the doctor looked at him strangely

"Yeah, how could someone have drugged all of us" Phil asked

"I wouldn't worry about it, the stuff's out of your system, you're gonna be fine" the doctor went to leave but Stu stopped him

"Wait, wait, wait please doctor is there anything else? Like something we may have been talking about, or someplace we were going?" the doctor shook his head before he remember something

"Actually, there was something, you guys kept talking about some wedding last night"

"Yeah, no shit, our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow"

"You know what? I want the 100 back" the doctor backed away

"No, no, easy, you kept talking about some wedding you just came from at the uh, Best Little Chapel" Phil pulled out the napkin he had used this morning at breakfast "You kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it, ok I hope this helps, I really have to leave"

"Best little Chapel do you know where that is?" Phil went to write down the directions

"I do, it's at the corner of get a map and fuck off" the group looked at the doctor in shock "I'm a doctor not a tour guide, figure it out yourself ok? You're big boys" he looked at Max "and girl" the doctor walked away

"Asshole" Max muttered "let's get out of here, we need to find Doug as soon as possible" the other nodded and followed her out of the hospital

 **Tada, i don't have much else to say but i hope you liked this chapter**

 **ScreamingKittycat out**


	5. The best little chapel in Vegas

**Thank you DracoMalfoysSecretWife for being the first to review this story, I have a feeling that you like Harry Potter :D I have a romantic fanfiction about Ariel Potter (my oc and Harry's twin) and Draco if you want to check it out**

 **I shouldn't be talking about another fanfic...meh, enjoy this chapter**

"So whose wedding do you think we attended last night?" Max asked the group as Phil drove the stolen police car to The Best little Chapel, with luck someone there would tell them more information which will help them find Doug

"Who cares, it was probably between some whore and a drunken idiot" Phil answered her in an uncaring matter, as long as he wasn't married to some stranger than he couldn't really give a shit

"Look over there" Stu pointed to a pink building that was fashioned to look like a church, Phil nodded silently and drove into the car park

"What about the baby?" Alan asked as they all got out of the car

"Leave him in the car, we're gonna be five minutes"

"Whoa Phil, we're not leaving a baby in the car" Max nodded and pulled Stu out of the way, she grabbed baby Carlos and brought him to her chest

"Stu is right we are not leaving a baby in the car" she rubbed the baby's back and looked at Phil, waiting for him to argue

"Fine, just make sure the baby doesn't start crying" Max nodded and followed Phil into the weird church. Inside contained 90s looking furniture at the front desk that led to a corny looking isle

"What if they don't remember us?"

"We were here just last night Stu, and knowing how I act when I'm drunk I don't think they would forget me so easily" she moved Carlos to her hip for a more comfortable position

"Well let's just find out" they looked at a man and woman who were fixing the lights on a small chandelier furthest away from them "I'm sorry, excuse me sir? Hi" the man turned around with a huge grin spread across his face, he began laughing as he opened his arms wide as if to hug the group

"Look at these guys" the man cried out happily "What happened? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me? Are you and the little missy here gonna get married? You wouldn't get off each other last night" he looked at Phil and Max "I didn't know you had a baby!" he hugged Max on the other side of her since Carlos was on the other, he then hugged Phil "how are you my friend? Look at this guy, you're fucking crazy" he moved to Alan and cupped his bearded cheeks before giving him a hug "what's going on man?" he stepped back and looked at Stu "Listen, I'm gonna tell you something, I know some sick people in my life" he pointed to Stu "this guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life man" Phil and Max looked at Eddie in disbelief

"This guy?" Phil motions to Stu

"This guy is out of his mind" Eddie laughed and hugged Stu who didn't know what to do "What's going on you crazy motherfucker? I thought he was gonna eat my dick" Max nearly choked on her own spit after hearing Eddie's words "What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?"

"No, no, it's not that, Eddie" Stu gave Eddie a fake smile "Uh, it's just that were having a hard time remembering what happened her last night"

"Yeah, was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings here?" Alan asked, Eddie began to laugh

"You are cracking my balls man" Phil was getting slightly frustrated

"Obviously we were here, we're looking for our friend Doug, do you remember?" Eddie nodded

"Yeah, the small guy, like a monkey" he put his hand slightly above his shoulder

"Yeah"

"You saw him?"

"Of course" Eddie replied

"Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?" Eddie looked at the four of them as if they were playing some kind of silly joke

"You remember nothing?" he motioned for them to follow him to the front counter, he grabbed a silver photo album and opened it up to show Stu and a blonde haired woman embracing lovingly, he was in a light blue suit whilst she wore a yellow dress with a cowgirl hat. When Stu saw the photo he groaned

"Congratulation Stu, you got married" Alan cheered happily, sending Stu a childlike smile

"This-this can't be happening" he flipped through the pages and saw a photo of him grabbing the unknown woman tits, to the left of the woman stood Doug and Alan with Doug's arm on Alan's shoulder and Alan looking at something off camera, to the right of Stu stood Phil and Max who were holding onto each other, Max was kissing Phil's cheek and Phil was looking at the camera with one of the biggest smiles he has ever had on his face "Oh god"

"Look at that" Stu groaned again and snapped the book shut only for Phil to open it again and start looking through them "I'll tell you one thing Stu, you look seriously happy here man" Phil said to a now pacing dentist

"That's it, my life is over"

"Stu it's ok look, shit happens" Stu shook his head but Phil continued "come on, Melissa's not gonna know anything about this, this never happened, I'll take care of it"

"Come on, put it here" Eddie came back into the room with the woman who was carrying two large boxes

"Hey, what's all that?" Phil pointed to the boxes

"The high roller package" replied Eddie "it's what you ordered, I have coffee mugs, you have baseball caps huh? And fancy calendars, all pictures of Stu and Jade"

"Her name is Jade?"

"I've always wanted to name my next daughter Jade" Max said whilst bouncing Carlos on her hip when he whimpered

"Yeah and she's beautiful man, clean, very tight, tits like that"

"Nope, not calling her Jade anymore"

"But that's because she had a baby" Eddie continued

"That explains the baby" said Phil as he looked at Carlos "Uh here's the deal, we made a mistake last night we need this marriage annulled, you do annulments?" Eddie nodded

"Of course I do, it breaks my heart and gonna make me sad but it's no problem, good price for you" Eddie looked at Stu "I can't do it with just him, though, I need the chick, I need both parties"

"Oh, not a problem, that's great, isn't that great Stu?" Phil gave Stu an encouraging smile "Come on buddy, she probably knows where Doug is"

"Awesome"

"Alright, alright, ok, uh…we need her address, she filled out some paper work right?"

"Of course" Eddie looked at the woman who was looking at her nails "Hey, excuse me, what's the matter with you? Go and get the paperwork man, I spend my life waiting for you, come on"

"Ok, I'm going" the woman snapped back

"And get the baklava please" once they got Jade's address the men grabbed the boxes and walked outside

"Hey Phil, what about my dad's car?" Alan asked worriedly

"I'm sure Doug has it, we'll get it back" Phil said nonchalantly, not really caring about the Mercedes, Max walked to the back of the car and strapped the baby in the middle seat

"Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it" Phil turned away from the boot where he was loading the boxes to look at Stu

"Torch it? who are you?"

"I don't know Phil" Stu snapped "apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers, the whole situation is completely fucked" he grabbed a cup and smashed it to the ground "these mugs, this hat" he snatched the hat off Alan's head "this car"

"Hey!" Alan cried out, partly from the pain of Stu catching his curly hair

"It's all evidence of a night that never happened" Max leaned out of the car to see what was going on "this is why we're torching all of it"

"Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher I got a son and a bitchy soon to be ex-wife, ok? I'm all for secrecy but I'm not gonna torch a cop car" Max moved away from the car to stand by Phil, her arms were crossed over her chest as she watched Stu loose his mind

"Fine, I'll do it"

"Can I help?" Alan asked Stu

"Yeah, thanks" a ringtone broke through Stu's freak out, Stu felt his phone vibrate and tried to fish it out of his pants

"Is it Doug?"

"I don't have it" Phil pointed to Stu

"It's Doug, It's Doug" Stu's shoulders sagged when he looked at the caller ID

"Uh, it's Melissa" Phil shut the boot and pointed for the other 3 to get into the car

"Don't answer"

"I have to, she's called twice already!" he answered the phone "Hey sweetheart, how are you?" he wandered slowly towards the car "I know, the reception up here's crazy, I think it's all the sequoia trees, blocks the signal" he walked to the back door behind Phil and opened it with one hand "Ah, it was really fun, actually, it was quiet but it was a good time" Phil shrugged and got into the car, he looked at Max who sat in the passenger seat, they shared a look, both agreeing that Stu was hopeless "I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids" when Alan got in the car he began to play with the giggling baby

"I'd be so cool if I could breast-feed, you know?" Alan said to Max and Phil, they looked at him but didn't say anything…well that might be because they didn't know what to say to the bearded child when he said such random things

"Well, listen, we're about to go for a tractor ride" an orange car came drifting through the car park

"What the fuck?" Phil began to worry as two Asian men stepped out with baseball bats

"I should get going, so pretty" as Stu continue giving his weird ass lies, the men began banging on the car and yelling for them to get out of it

"They started up the tractor, I think it backfired"

"Where the hell is he?" a man asked aggressively

"Hey, easy, easy" Phil said calmly, hoping they wouldn't attack "I think we're looking for the same guy ok?" the other man didn't seem to like that answer because he smashed the front window "Hey what the hell man!" the baby began crying

"We haven't fucking done anything!" Max screamed, almost pissing her pants since the bat hit her side of the window

"Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery, that's a goat"

"Where is he?" the man kept repeating, his eyes showing murderous intent

"I don't know! What are you talking about?" Phil was screaming by this point

"Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?" Stu ordered Phil who snapped his head to look at the dentist

"I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked" the man kept smashing the window so Alan started screaming at them too

"Hey! There's a baby on board!"

"Get out of the car!"

"It's a baby goat" Eddie stepped outside of the church

"Why are you making trouble for my buisness man?" the Asian man to the right of the car pulled out a gun and pointed it at Max "Go away from here"

"Get out of the car!"

"Phil he's pointing a gun at Max!" Alan screamed from behind the frozen Vet, her heart was beating straight out of her chest, a panic attack was rising and she was beginning to hyperventilate

"No shit he's pointing a gun at Max!" Phil screamed back, he grabbed Max and pulled her closer to him, he watched as the gun followed her, this spurred him into action so he turned the car on

"I gotta call you back, bye" Phil reversed the car onto the guy with the gun's toes which caused him to shoot Eddie

"Fuck shit!"

"He shot me!" Eddie screamed in pain, he fell to the floor clutching his bullet wound

"He shot Eddie!"

"Fuck this shit!"

"DRIVE!" Max finally screamed when she got control of her voice back, she was clutching onto Phil's arm tightly, Phil reversed the car as fast as it could go, it smashed into the thugs car before making it onto the road

"Fuck! Fuck!"

"Go! Go! Go!" Phil drove off without another word, he wanted to get as far away as he could from the man who was pointing a gun at Max

"Ok, oh that was some sick shit!" Phil yelled when they were far away from the men, Stu was cooing to the baby in hopes of stopping him from crying

"Who were those guys?" Alan asked, not even caring about the baby at this point

"We're gonna be ok, everything's gonna be ok" Stu said softly to the baby before he looked at Max and Phil and screamed **"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?"**

"I have no idea?" Stu's phone rang once more

"Why don't you just let that go to voicemail?"

"Ha-ha-ha" came Stu sarcastic reply "That's a fake laugh, by the way"

"Hey Max, you ok?" Phil asked Max once she stopped clutching onto his arm painfully so

"Y-yeah…just…never had a gun pointed at me before…nearly had a panic attack" she breathed out heavily and pressed her head on Phil's shoulder

"I'm glad he shot Eddie and not you, I don't think I could handle you being shot" Phil glanced down at Max and pressed a kissed on the crown of her head

"Naww, does Phil care for me?" she looked up at him cheekily

"Yes, more than you may ever know"

 **Tada, I gave you a little fluff (even though it was two sentences worth), their relationship isn't all flirting and fucking they do actually care for one another. I will be delving into the relationship the further we go along in this story so bare with me. the next chapter will be up as soon as i can type it (whenever i'm not lazy) please be patient**

 **SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3**


	6. Tased and confused

**I am on a roll! Been writing a chapter everyday and posting it as soon as I am done, hopefully I can continue this routine so you guys wont get annoyed if it takes too long**

 **Please enjoy**

They arrived at a cheap motel in the less fancy side of Vegas, then again, calling a motel in Vegas cheap is a bit of a stretch "It's got uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I and that Jewish actor" Alan was sprouting off some silly nonsense about a movie he watched to an uninterested Stu

"Shut up Alan" Stu spared him a short glance before looking back at the doors "What room was it again?"

"It's 825" Phil answered, they stared ahead and saw a woman that looked eerily similar to the woman in the photo album walking out of a room

"I know, I did, I already checked with her" she looked at the group and gasped, this was Jade "I found him, I'll call you back, thank god he's with his father" she skipped up to Alan and cooed at Carlos "I was freaking out, I missed you sweetie" she pulled him out of the harness and brought him into her arms, she then looked at Stu "And I missed you" she kissed an unwilling Stu passionately, moaning every few seconds as she devoured his mouth. Alan stared at the exchange and Phil and Max shared an amused look "What the hell happened to you guys?" she let out a loud laugh

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us" Phil asked

"What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to get coffee and I came back and you were gone" the group stayed silent "Why are you being so quiet?"

"I'm not being quiet" Stu lied

"Ha, ha, you're so cute, Yeah I gotta feed Tyler, come inside you guys" Jade grabbed Stu's hand and pulled him inside, Alan was pouting heavily

"Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler"

"Yeah, I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud" Max rubbed Alan's back soothingly. They got inside and Jade began pouring everyone a glass of iced tea, she looked up from the glasses and saw everyone sitting on the couch looking back at her awkwardly

"Ok what's up? You guys are acting weird"

"Look, it's Jade right?"

"Very funny Phil" she giggled and walked over to the chair that sat across from the gang

"Right Jade, Uh, ahem, you remember our friend Doug?" Phil asked

"Are you kidding? He was the best man at our wedding"

"Exactly, well, we can't find him and we're getting worried" Stu took a sip of his drink and looked up

"Oh my god, that is so Doug" his eyes rested on Jade's finger, when he saw the glimmer of a ring he spat his drink all over Tyler "Ha ha ok!" Tyler began crying "Oh sweetie-I'm gonna go clean him off" Jade looked around and awkwardly left the room "It's alright, daddy didn't mean it"

"Oh my god"

"What the fuck man you gotta hold it together" Phil hissed softly

"You're gonna get us kicked out" Max slapped the back of Stu's head

"Holy shit!" Stu ignored the strange couple

"She is super hot" Phil continued "You should be proud of yourself" Max glanced over at him out of the corner of her eye, a knot appeared in her heart that wasn't there before, this was the first time she has been irritated by Phil's flirtatious manner and jealous of another woman

 _"A_ _t least she's married to Stu"_ she thought to herself and when she realised how horrible she was acting she shook her head and looked back at Stu

"She's wearing my grandmother's ring!" Stu cried out softly so Jade wouldn't hear from the next room

"What?" Phil's brain slowed when he heard Stu

"The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa, you remember my grandmother's Holocaust ring?"

"Fuck, ok"

"She's wearing it"

"I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust" aaaand Alan ruined the moment with naivety, luckily Jade walked back in before Stu snapped at the bearded child

"He's ok"

"Oh, good"

"He was just hungry, he's fine"

"Oh good" Phil repeated "About last night, uh, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?"

"Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding"

"The wedding, ok, great" Phil leaned back and pulled out his napkin list "And uh, we can't re-what time was that at?"

"Well, it was um…" Jade trailed off and pull her shirt down to reveal her breast, Tyler immediately latched on and began sucking, Phil cleared his throat and looked off to the side, he watched Max in a confused manner when he saw a glimpse of a fierce glare on her face before it was replaced with an emotionless one "I guess it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift" Alan was staring at Tyler intently "and then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler"

"And was Doug there then?" Phil asked, trying his hardest to ignore Jade's bare breast

"I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out, the room was a wreck so I just curled up next to Stu"

"Uh huh" Stu mumbled and sent Jade an awkward smile

"Rowr" Phil chuckled, he was loving this

"I got a question, um you said when your shift ended, does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?" Jade giggled

"You know this, I'm a stripper" Stu felt a little bile come back up from his throat, it threatened to leave his mouth but he forced it back down "Well, technically I'm an escort but stripping's a great way to meet the clients"

"Smart"

"Savvy"

"But that's all in the past now that I married a doctor" she said wistfully, her eyes looking into Stu's lovingly

"I'm just a dentist" Jade opened her mouth to speak but her door was forcefully opened and two cops came in with guns

"Las Vegas Police! Freeze!" Jade wrapped her arms around her baby and cradled him to her chest, Stu put his arms in the air and Phil pulled Max into his chest, this was twice that a gun was pointed at Max now "Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!"

"Oh God!"

"Ok, ok, ok!" the quartet was hang cuffed to each other as followed:

Phil, Max, Alan and lastly Stu

They were dragged off to the police station where they were left with the other offenders "Hey Phil, I think you should call Tracy, see if we can get another day to look for Doug"

"What do I tell her?" Phil asked Max

"Say we won something I dunno, just don't tell her we lost Doug" the schoolteacher sighed and went over to the phone

"After we take the mug shots, we bring them down here where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers" a policeman was taking a group of children through the police station on a tour in hopes or scaring them clean "Trust me kids, you do no wanna be sitting on these benches, we call this place Loserville" Max glared at the laughing kids and policeman "Follow me, alright, let's do it, come on" a chubby blonde haired kid waddled up o Alan and pulled out his flip phone, he took a photo of him which angered the chubby man, he kicked the phone out of the child's hand and watched it clatter to the floor, no doubt cracked or even broken

"Hey Tracy! It's Phil" the school teacher cheered as happily as he could, even though he was pissed off that he was cuffed at a police station, even though being cuffed to Max wasn't so bad his wrist was beginning to hurt "we are at the spa at the hotel, of course why wouldn't he be?" Max cleared her throat, motioning for him to calm down and stop acting suspicious "um…we made a deal, no talking to girlfriends or wives so we're all calling each other's" Max rolled her eyes, she should have been the one to call Tracy "uh you are not gonna believe this, we got comped an extra night at the hotel…yeah, the suite is-it's ridiculous, it's out of control, there's like, room service and a butler I mean just the works so we're thinking of spending the night here and we're gonna come back in the morning…That's why we're gonna get up early and we'll be back in plenty of time"

"Wenneck, Morr, Price, Garner, room 3" a police shouted from behind Phil

"Ok Trace I gotta go, we'll talk to you later" the school teacher hung up before Tracy could say anything more, they quickly untangled themselves and hurried after the cop. They were ushered into an interrogation room where the cops that arrested them sat with angry faces

"Gentlemen" the male cop began, walking slowly as if to intimidate them "we've got some good news and we've got some bad news" he opened his file and read off them "the good news is we found your Mercedes" Phil chuckled in relief whilst the others sighed

"That's great news"

"That's great, see?" Phil looked at Alan, smiling at his slightly relieved face

"Yeah it's over at impound right now, we picked it up at 5 a.m. this morning…Parked in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard" the gang slumped

"In the middle that? That's weird" Phil tried to act like he was confused but he wasn't surprised by this at all

"Yeah that is weird" the policeman stared at Phil with a raised eyebrow "There was also a note" he showed the group a small piece of paper "It says uh 'couldn't find a meter but here's 4 bucks'" he chucked the paper in front of Stu "the bad news is we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning"

"Oh no, uh, officer that's just impossible" Phil protested "No, we need to be in L.A tomorrow for a wedding" the silent police woman decided to speak up

"You stole a police car"

"We didn't steal anything um, we found it" said Stu, trying to sound believable

"Yeah, if anything we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy" Alan joined in but the cops weren't having it

"I see assholes like you everyday"

"Every fucking day"

"Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid!"

"Yeah, whoo! Woo-hoo"

"Woo-hoo" they did weird motions with their arms like they were robots "Let's steal a cop car because it'd be really fucking funny"

"Think you gonna get away with it? not up in here"

"Not up in here!" Max glared at the cops but stopped when she saw Phil's expression, she knew it all too well, it was his manipulation and persuasion face

"Sir…If I may, um…I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you"

"Yeah"

"Yeah look, I'm not a cop, I'm no hero, I'm a schoolteacher but if one of my kids went missing on a field trip…that would look really bad on me" Max began smirking behind her hand, she loved when he did this, he could sell water to a drowning man

"What are you getting at?" the police man glared at Phil

"Yeah Phil, what are you getting at?" Stu was worried that he was not going to make this work

"No one wants to look bad, we gotta get to a wedding and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night, but look, the point is I think we can work out a deal…discreetly of course, ma'am" the two cops looked at each other "What do you say?" the police woman moved her clipboard over to her partner and tapped at the top, the man laughed and turned to the quartet

"Let me ask you a question, do uh any of you gentlemen and lady have a heart condition or anything like that?"

"I don't think I do" Max replied, not really understanding what the man was getting at, the others shook their heads, not understanding the man either

"You all will help us out with something" the quartet nodded and followed the cops to a class room where the kids from earlier sat "Ok kids, you're in for a real treat today, these gentlemen and lady have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect"

"Oooh!" that peeked the kids interest, the four adults however were worried for their safety

"Wait a second-" Stu spoke but the man cut him off

"Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun up close and personal" he brought the Taser up to Stu's neck and shocked him, he screamed and fell to the floor, the children laughed "for a female you just get them in the chest" Max screamed and curled into a ball on the floor

"What the fuck?" Phil cried, this is not what he had in mind when the man asked for their help, he looked down at a groaning Max and wanted to help her but was scared of the taser so he didn't move, he knew she would be ok

"The other way to use a stun gun is to shoot from a distance, now, do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shooting? Huh?" all hands raised including the 2 other cops "alright how about you young lady? Come on up here alright" a girl with pig tails and a velvet jumped up and happily grabbed the gun off the man "let's go handsome, come on" Alan stepped forward "not you fat Jesus, slide it on back" he pointed to Phil "you, pretty boy"

"Fat Jesus" the girl giggled, Phil shuffled forward, not wanting to end up like Max and Stu

"Alright now, it's real simple, all you gotta do is point, aim and shoot, alright?" the girl nodded and raised the gun, a red dot appeared on Phil's chest

"Ok, look, you don't really wanna do this" Phil reasoned the small girl

"You can do this, just focus"

"Don't listen to this maniac, let's think this through"

"Finish him!" the red dot lowered to Phil's groin and the girl shot him, Phil screamed and clutched at his crotch, his face turned red and he collapsed to the floor, still spazzing even though the Taser stopped "right in the nuts! That was beautiful" all the kids laughed and clapped "well done, give her a hand everybody, good job good job" Alan started clapping aswell "Good job, well done, good job that was great" the man pulled the cord that was attached to Phil out of the Taser and put another in "good, hey we got one more charge left, anybody wanna do some shooting up here?" all the kids shot their hands up "How about you big man, come on up here?" he pointed to the kid whose phone Alan kicked to the floor, Alan and the kid had a strange stare off, their eyes chagelling one another "Ok, same instructions just point, aim and shoot" the kid aimed at Alan's chest "there you go, that's the stuff, I like the intensity" the red up moved up his stomach to his chest "eye of the tiger, good" the red dot stopped on the middle of Alan's forehead "you're holding 50,000 volts little man, don't be afraid to ride the lightening" without hesitation the boy shot Alan, the bearded child groaned and grunted but remained standing "In the face! In the face" Alan walked over to the child like a zombie, his eyes trained on the little boy "Oh he's still up, he's still up" the kids screamed and tried to back away "alright everybody relax, take it easy" the cop recharged the Taser "we've seen it before, he just needs a little extra charge" he shot Alan's neck and watched as he flopped onto the table like a fish out of water "there we go, some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots" he patted Alan's ass "alright kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done huh? Come on lets go" the kids rushed out of the room, cheering and talking about what they had just seen

"Uuurrg" Max groaned loudly and crawled her way to Phil whose face was as red as a tomatoes, she clutched at her breast that she was sure was going to swell or burst from the pain, if that was at all possible "Phil?" she hissed out between her clenched teeth, all she got back from the teacher was a pained groan "I need to get that spike out of you" she pushed herself up onto her knees and helped Phil roll onto his back "this is going to hurt"

"No shit" he hissed out, he felt her hesitant fingers touch his member where the spike was attached "just rip it out"

"on the count of three" he nodded "one-"

 **AAAAAAAHHH!"** Phil screamed bloody murder and curled into a ball again, tears were threatening to fall down his face it hurt so badly "what happened to three!?"

"It would be worse for you if you were expecting it" she rubbed his back with one hand whilst the other raked through his hair to distract him from the pain "I am sooo sorry, just lay there for me whilst I help Alan" she hopped up off the floor and waddled over to Alan, he had rolled off the table at some point and was staring at the ceiling, without saying anything she yanked the spike out of Alan's forehead, he didn't scream and continued to lay on the floor.

"You alright Stu?"

"Noooo…" the dentist moaned as he clutched his neck "can we just get out of here"

 **And there you have it, another wonderful chapter. So like I said I would be delving into Max and Phil's relationship, Max is beginning to realise that her feelings for Phil aren't just that of Lust but something more, she's getting jealous now. I will be showing Phil's growing feelings in the next chapter, and by the end their relationship both past and present will be revealed so hold on tight fellow readers!**

 **SCREAMINGKittycat OUT!**


	7. Why does everyone hurt us!

**Another chapter up and running, I actually might post another one on the same day-or well night since its 6:30 where I am right now ( I live in Australia so i'm upside down aha) I was going to put Phil's ever growing feelings for Max but that was going to be in the Mike Tyson Scene which I am putting in the next chapter so this one is about everyone getting angry and hurt**

 **please enjoy this chapter**

"Fuck those guys, you hear me? That was bullshit, I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car" raged Stu, once the pain from the Taser disappeared the group staggered out of the police station and over to the impound to get their car

"They let us go, who cares?"

"I care!" Stu argued, he didn't agree with Phil's nonchalant attitude, the teacher was the one who was shot in the dick for fuck sake he should be the most angriest person out of all of them "You can't just do that, you can't just tase people because you think it's funny, that's police brutality"

"It's America Stu, what else do you expect" Max snapped, she was neither pissed like Stu nor nonchalant like Phil, she was just grumpy from getting her boob tased, just thinking about it made it sting

"I'm getting a soda, do you guys want anything?"

"A can of coke please" said Max whilst the other two said no, Stu swaggered away in an angry manner, she and Phil both hoped the small walk would calm him down a little

"My man doesn't shut up, Jesus Christ" Max nodded in agreement, the strange couple looked over to Alan and saw him staring off into the distance "Alan, you ok?" Alan turned around to face them

"I'm just worried" he said sadly "what if something happened to Doug? Something bad" Phil shook his head

"Come on, you can't think like that" Max scooched away from Phil and closer to Alan so she could rub comforting circles into his back

"I mean, what if he's dead? I can't afford to lose anybody close to me again, it hurts too much" Max frowned "I was so upset when my grandpa died"

"Oh I'm so-how'd he die?" Phil asked

"World War II"

"Died in battle?"

"No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II" Max stopped rubbing his back and lost all sympathy for him, she shook her head with a smirk, she was already used to his strange words, Phil on the other hand…

"Alan…Doug is fine"

"Well, why hasn't he called?"

"I don't know, but we're gonna figure it out" Stu walked back from around the building

"I'll tell you another thing" he ranted, as if he hadn't left "6-1 odds our car is beat to shit" he chucked the can of coke to Max who thanked him with a nod

"Stu, not now"

"No, how much do you wanna bet it's fucked beyond recognition?" Phil stood up and whispered in Stu's ear

"That's enough, Alan's seriously worried ok? Let's not freak him out any more" Stu sighed and walked over to Alan

"Sorry Alan" he patted his shoulder "You know what? We'll search the car for clues and everything's gonna be ok" they all heard a car approaching and cringed

"Oh shit, I can't watch, just tell me what it looks like" the car drove around the corner and Max sighed heavily

"Not looking, not looking"

"It's fine" Phil and Stu looked up

"Wow, alright"

"Oh, thank god" the driver stepped out "see? It's gonna be alright" the man passed the key to Phil and walked back into the shop, this time Stu sat in front and Max sat in the back, as they drove through Vegas they checked every inch of the car in hopes of finding a clue "Anything?"

"Hmm I got a cigar" Stu continued to rummage through the compartment

"Oh, I found, uh-These are some black shoes"

"Those women's shoes?" Phil looked at Max through the mirror, she shrugged

"I don't know" Alan passed the shoe to Stu

"What are those?"

"I don't know, it's a men's size 6"

"That's weird"

"I didn't know they made shoes for men in that size" Max tilted her head to the side

"What is this, a snakeskin?" Alan held up a condom, Max gasped and moved away in disgust as Alan threw it on Stu's shoulder

"Oh, come on! Ew!" Stu waved his arms around

"That's a used condom, Alan"

"Oh god blech!" Stu threw it back to Alan

"Get it out of the car"

"Gross, it's wet" Alan threw it on Phil's shoulder "I don't want the thing"

"Hey! Come one"

"Check for holes Phil it might be yours!" Max screamed as she laughed loudly

"Shut up! I got jizz on me, Jesus Christ, guys!" the car swerved from left to right, Phil wound the window down "Get it out" he threw it out the window

"Fuck!" Phil stopped the car "oh my god" once the car was stopped completely he turned to the group "Alright, what the fuck man? We gotta get this shit together guys!" after all this time, the calm and collected Phil Wenneck had finally snapped, all the pressure that everyone put on him was too much for the history teacher to handle…it was probably the taser to the dick that was the breaking point, the condom just made the anger come out

 **!THUMP THUMP!**

The group shut their mouths to try and hear where the thumping was coming from "What was that?" Alan asked softly

"It's in the trunk" Stu's eyes widened "Doug's in the trunk"

"Oh fuck! Holy shit!" Phil pulled the key out of the ignition and pushed open the door, the other three followed him and raced out of the car and to the back "Holy shit!"

"Open it! Open it! Open it!"

"Ok, ok, ok" Su and Phil opened the boot with big smiles shouting Doug's name

Instead of their best friend a small naked man jumped out and wrapped his body around Phil's face, he wacked Wenneck's back with a crowbar

"Oh god!" Phil screamed and threw man off him "Ahh" the man whirled around and socked Stu in the gut with the crowbar and smashed him on the back causing him to fall to the floor

"Stop!" the man turned around to look at Phil and uppercut him with the weapon, Max saw blood fly from his mouth and was spurred into action, she managed to punch him right in the nose before he bashed the side of her face with the bar

"FUCK!" she screamed and fell to the floor, she could feel blood dribbling down her face

"Whoa, I'm with you, I'm with you!" Alan screamed in fear, his hands stretched out in front of him to protect his face, he did not want to end up like Phil and Max who were crying and rolling on the floor

"You gonna fuck on me?" the naked man growled, he must have a high pain threshold because he wasn't flinching or holding his bleeding nose

"Nobody's gonna fuck on you!" Alan protested fearfully "We're on your side, I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! Please!" Alan tried to calm his voice down "This isn't your fault, I'll get you some pants" the man didn't care for Alan's excuses and decided to throw the crowbar his face instead, when Alan clutched at his face and fell to the floor he took his chance to run

"What the fuck was that?" Phil groaned, why was he getting hurt so much today, he crawled over to lean against the car and saw Max still lying on the floor "Max!" he crawled over to the moaning woman and rolled her over, she had a big gash right on top of her brow bone that was bleeding heavily

"I have internal bleeding, somebody call 911" Stu muttered to himself

"You ok Max?" She groaned and looked up at him

"I just got smashed in the face by a small naked Asian man"

"That was some fucked up shit" Phil groaned and helped Max to sit beside him, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to his side, she groaned and leant her head back against the car

"Who was that guy? He was so mean" Stu whined

"Guys, there's something I need to tell you" Alan spoke up when the pain subsided slightly "Last night on the roof, before we went out…I slipped something in our Jägermeister"

"What?" Phil cried, his pained glare turned to the bearded child

"I'm sorry, I fudged up guys"

"You drugged us?" Stu pushed up with his arms to look at Alan

"No, I didn't drug you I was told it was ecstasy"

"That's still a drug asshole!" Max screamed "Ah shit!" she clutched at her head and felt more blood run, it wasn't dangerous but head injuries always bleed heavily and she may have a minor concussion, Phil shushed her in hopes she would calm down since she was dangerous when she was angry, the punch to the naked man's face could attest to that

"Well, who told you it was ecstasy?" Phil asked the bearded child, ignoring his throbbing lip that worsened as he spoke

"The guy I bought it from at the liquor store"

"Why would you give us ecstasy?" Stu asked, for once he was too exhausted and in pain to be angry and screaming at the bearded child

"I wanted everybody to have a good time and I know you guys wouldn't take it, it was just one hit each, I used to do three hits a night"

"But it wasn't ecstasy Alan, it was roofies!" never mind about Stu being too angry to scream

"You think I knew that, Stu? The guy I bought it from seemed like a real straight shooter"

"I'm sorry, you mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy?"

"He's lucky I'm too sore and he's an idiot because I want to strangle him" Max muttered into Phil's ear, her head now resting on his shoulder, the blood from her wound seeping into his blue shirt

"Let's just calm down" Phil tried to reason, but failed miserably as it made Stu angrier

"You fucking calm down! He drugged us, I lost a tooth, I married a whore!" Stu stood above the group

"How dare you! She's a nice lady"

"You are such a fucking moron"

"Your language is offensive"

"FUCK YOU!" Stu was just waiting for Alan to say one more thing so he could knock his lights out, Phil gently moved Max away from him so he could race to his feet to stop Stu

"Alright let's just take a deep breath ok?" he pushed Stu away from Alan in hopes he would cool down "Guys seriously, this is a good thing" Max looked up and stared at Phil, how in all of Vegas was this a good thing "At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason"

"Yeah, you're right Phil, it's totally a good thing" Stu was bent down slightly since it hurt to stand up straight "We're so much better off now, here's something I would like to remind you three of: our best friend Doug is probably facedown in a ditch right now with a meth-head butt-fucking his corpse"

"That's highly unlikely"

"It's true"

"Does not help, alright let's get out shit together guys" Phil walked back over to Max and helped her onto her feet, she wobbled slightly as her vision blurred from blood and no from doubt a concussion "Let's go back to the hotel and I'm gonna make a couple calls, maybe Doug's back there, maybe he's asleep, come on let's go, Stu sit in the back so I can keep an eye on Max"

"Stu? Little help?"

"Shut up" Stu swung the door open and smashed it into Alan's face

"Ow"

"Oh god, oh god, are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine"

"Alan I'm sorry" Stu pulled Alan up and pushed him into the back seat then got in himself, Phil pushed the seat back and helped Max into it, she thanked him softly and laid her head on the cold window, Phil started the car up and drove to the hotel

 **I reeaaaally wanted to Max to punch Chow to show she wasn't just bark and no bite, and seeing someone she cares about getting hurt pissed her off. You're stronger when you're protecting the people you love, sooo next chapter shall be when they meet Mr Tyson. I will most like have it up within 3 hours or less since I am in a writing mood**

 **SCREAMINGKittycat OUT! 3**


	8. WTF! MIKE TYSON!

**See i told you I would get another one up in the same day! Draco you are my favorite person because you are motivating me to continue this! So in this chapter Phil has his revaluation and you get to understand what happened between Max and Phil before the movie!**

 **Please enjoy!**

They were walking through the hall at Caesars Palace-well more like shuffling as they were too tired to do anything else-towards their Villa, all were praying for Doug to be sleeping there but knew that they had the worst luck "Wait guys, guys" Alan spoke softly "What about the tiger? What if she got out?" Phil groaned

"Oh, fuck, I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger, how the fuck did she get in there?" Phil let go of Max to lean against the door

"I don't know, because I don't remember" Stu voice raised at the end

"Shh, Stu, Stu, keep it down"

"Because one of the, uh, side effects of, uh, roofies is memory loss" both of Stu's eyebrows raised at Alan

"You are literally too stupid to insult"

"Thank you" Alan proved the dentist's point

"Hey" Phil whispered harshly

"Is that music?" Max asked, she followed Phil through the door, they could all hear 'in the air tonight' by Phil Collins playing over the speakers

"Hey, come on" he pulled Max in the room by the hand "Did we leave the music on?" Alan slammed the door shut "Hey, shh" they all walked slowly to where the music was "Don't make any sudden movements" Phil turned around and walked into a large ma "Aah!"

"Whoa!" the man turned around and glared at them fiercely "Who the hell are you?"

"No who are you?"

"Quiet, quiet!" a man ordered sternly from the lounge, Max looked to the side and saw a man with a white shirt and black dress pants, he turned around to reveal world famous Mike Tyson

"Mike Tyson?" Phil asked in disbelief

"Shh, this is my favorite part coming up right now" he began playing air drums "I can feel it coming in the air tonight~ Need a chorus line guys"

"Hold on~"

"But I've been waiting for this moment for all my life~ one more time guys"

"Hold on"

 **!BAM!**

Mike Tyson smashed Alan right in the jaw "Oh Jesus!" the boys rushed to help Alan but Max stayed standing, her fuzzy brain didn't want her moving too fast but she was worried for the bearded child's face "Oh fuck!" Phil whirled around to face Mr Tyson "Why did you do that?"

"Mr Tyson would like to know why his his tiger in your bathroom" the large man asked for his boss

"Hold on, that was completely unnecessary" Phil smiled wide "I'm a huge fan, when you knocked out Holmes, that was-"

"Explain" the man cut off

"Alright look, we were drugged last night, we have no memory of what happened"

"It's true" Stu chimed in, hoping that Mike wouldn't punch him "We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend, if you wanna kill us go ahead because I don't care anymore"

"What are you talking about?" Phil asked Stu worriedly

"I don't care"

"Stu…" Max whispered and pulled his hand into her own, he looked at her and saw her pale blue eyes staring at him in concern behind her dirt and blood stained face, he sighed and squeezed her hand

"Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?"

"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up"

"I don't believe these guys, man" Mike said to his friend

"Wait, how did you guys find us?" Phil asked, the man showed a black suit jacket

"One of you dropped your jacket, found it in the tiger's cage this morning" Stu let go of Max's hand and pointed at the jacket

"That's Doug's"

"Yeah Doug, his wallet and his room key is in there"

"No that's our missing friend" Phil cried, they found his jacket but not Doug

"I don't give a fuck"

"Did you guys see him?"

"I was fast asleep" Mike replied

"Because if he was up, this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly"

"Maybe one of the tigers ate him all like Omar"

"Respect" the man took his hat off

"Wha-what happened to Omar?"

"Oh, don't worry about Omar, he's not with us no more"

"Ok, I know this is asking a lot but do you think we could go to your house and look around see if there's any clues of our friend?"

"Absolutely, how else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?" Mike replied.

"Come on champ"

"I'm sorry?"

"We're not gonna put it in the Bently, you brought it here, you bring it back, what you think, about 40 minutes?" the man looked at a bleary eyed Max "and to make sure you do this we're taking the chick"

"Don't make me come back for him"

"What you can't take Max!" Phil yelled aggressively, he stood in front of Max protectively, the Vet laid a gentle hand on his arm and stepped around him

"It's ok Phil, we don't want to piss Mr Tyson off more than we already have, I'll go with him and you bring the tiger" Phil huffed in frustration and grabbed her shoulders

"Fine but you better make sure your safe" he bent down and kissed her passionately, almost making her more dazed than she already was "I will come back for you" he whispered, she smiled and gave him a chase kiss

"I will hold you to that" she stepped away from him and followed Mike out of the room

"How did you get that cut on your head?" Tyson asked

"A naked Asian man hit me in the face with a crowbar after I punched him in the nose" Mike looked at her with a raised eyebrow

"A naked Asian man?"

"Yeah we found him in our trunk" she scratched the back of her head in embarrassment

"You and your friends are sick motherfuckers"

"Yeah…do you have any painkillers at your place, I may have a concussion"

"Yeah we do"

 **Back with Phil, Stu and Alan**

The group was still staring at the door even after they left "That was Mike Tyson" Stu said to Phil

"Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson, he just took Max with him"

"I'm just saying, he's still got it" they looked to an awake Alan who was sporting a nice bruise on his face

"Alan" they rushed to his side "Bud, are you ok?"

"Oh my god"

"Shit!" Phil shook his shoulders slightly "Fuck, where'd he get him?" he snapped his fingers in front of Alan's face "Hey"

"Did I do good?" Alan grumbled

"Yeah bud you did good"

"What we doing?" they helped him up to sit on a chair

"We have to bring the tiger back to Mike Tyson

"Oh, ok" he replied like getting the tiger from the bathroom to Mr Tyson's house would be the easiest thing in the world

"Stu, go call for a raw stake" Phil ordered sternly, his nerves were fried, Max's right side of her face was covered in blood, she probably had a concussion and Mike Tyson took her with him until they brought the tiger to his house which right now looked like an impossible thing, why did they have to take the Vet with them, she was the only person who would know what to do without harming the tiger or them. She was always better at doing everything than him, she's beautiful, smart, kind, funny and sarcastic as fuck, she wouldn't take shit for anyone, even him. Man why did he screw things up with her six years ago, it was all his fault, they were doing so well together until he went and slept with Stephanie and got her pregnant, even after all that, even after he married her Max still forgave him, fuck she even came to his wedding, he really didn't deserve her but he wasn't going to give her up this time, it was his fault that she had to raise Eden by herself and not with the help of his father, Eden didn't even know that Phil was his father just that he was a man who he liked playing with

It was at that moment that he decided that as soon as he was divorced he was going to spend all his waking moments being with Max and Eden, he would introduce Eden to his half-brother Eli, he was going to make it up to Max like he should have done years ago

"Hey Phil, where's Max?" Alan asked, breaking Phil out of his inner thoughts

"Don't worry Alan, she's with Mike Tyson until we bring the tiger to him" Alan nodded

"Room service is coming up, how are we gonna use a raw steak to get the tiger into a car"

"We are going to roofie him" Phil stated confidently

"Roofie the tiger"

"Yeah, Alan do you have any left"

"Yeah they're in my room" the bearded child jumped up and raced into his room

"Good, we will put them in the steak and feed it to the tiger, she'll get drowsy and then we can figure out how we're going to get her to the car"

"This is a terrible idea"

"Do you have a better one Stu?" the dentist stayed silent "exactly, go wait at the door for the room service"

They waited for at least 5 minutes for the steak to arrive, the man who served them stayed silent but you could see the concerned look in his eyes, Alan placed the steak on the table and pressed the roofie pills into it "this does not seem fair"

"It's rock, paper, scissors, there's nothing more fair"

"Alan should do it"

"Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson, come on, for Doug and Max"

"Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper"

"Tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon" Alan said this without hesitation, as if he knew everything about tigers

"We need Max…" Stu groaned "Phil just do it, you should do it"

"I would but you lost, it wouldn't be right"

"Ok I jammed 5 roofies in there" Alan passed the steak to Stu

"Fine" Stu slid off his chair and walked over to the main bathroom

"Make sure he eats the whole thing" the dentist hesitantly opened the door, sliding through the small gap he created for himself, he hoped to god that the tiger was asleep but that was asking too much

"Fuck" he whispered to himself when he saw the tigers yellow eyes staring at him intently "Oh fuck" he slid away from the wall and smiled at the cat "hey, kitty, hey sweetie it's ok, I got a little snack for you" he showed the tiger the steak and shuffled forward "real important that you eat this ok?" the tiger mewed softly and sniffed the air "yeah just have a little-" the tiger roared and went to strike Stu down with its mighty claw "AAAAAHHH!" he swung the door open and slammed it shut behind him "Shit!" he looked at the others who were standing up and staring at him "what do we do now?"

"We wait"

Stu was playing on the piano to past the time whilst Phil and Alan lounged around

"What do tigers dream of

When they take a little tiger snooze?

Do they dream of mauling Zebras

Or Halley Berry in her catwoman suit?

Don't you worry your pretty striped head

We're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cosy tiger bed

And then we're gonna find our best friends Doug and Max

And then we're gonna give them a best friend hug

Doug and Max

Doug, Dougie, Max, Maxie, Doug, Doug

But if Doug's been murdered by crystal meth tweakers and Max has been killed by Mike Tyson"

They heard the tiger groan and fall to the floor

"Well then we're shit out of luck" when the song ended the group rushed to the bathroom and dragged the tiger out and onto a luggage trolley, they covered her in a white sheet so no one saw what they were carrying "By the way, we're all gonna die" by some miracle they were able to get it down the elevator, out the foyer and into the back of their car, Max had texted them Tyson's address and they were off

"Hey guys, when's the next Halley's comet?" Alan asked out of the blue

"Who cares man" Phil kept his eyes on the road, not interested in Alan's strange questions when Max was so close

"Do you know Stu?"

"I don't think it's for, like, another 60 years or something"

"But it's not tonight, right?"

"No I don't think so"

"But do you know for sure?"

"No"

"I got this cousin who saw one, he said it blew his mind, I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out on a Halley's comet" the tiger lifted it's head to stare at them "So if you guys know if there's gonna be one-"

"Oh fuck!" The tiger roared at them angrily, the three of them all scream jumbled words as the car sped up to reach it's destination faster so they wouldn't be mauled to death, the tiger roared angrily once more and dug it's claws into Phil's shoulder, he screamed in pain and stopped the car in the middle of the road, the three of them rushed out of the car and closed the door so the tiger couldn't get out, that made it angrier so it began scratching at the chairs "Fuck it!" Phil clutched at his neck where the tiger clawed him, it was deep and bleeding heavily "Stu! Stu it got me! Stu!"

"You got clawed! You're bleeding!" the tiger was chewing up the front seat

"Oh"

"I'm panicking" it broke the window

"Oh my god"

"Ok, ok, ok, wait, hold on" they decided that instead of driving they would have Alan steering whilst Stu and Phil pushed the car

"I can't do it!" Alan skipped away from the car and waved his arms around in fear

"Get your fucking hand back in there and steer the car"

"I'm too nervous"

"Alan we need you, Max needs you buddy, this is your time to shine ok?"

"Ok yeah, whew" he put his hand back on the wheel and steered "Daddy's gonna kill me"

"That's it"

"That's good" Stu and Phil encouraged "Keep it straight" they stopped the car outside of Mike's house and rung the doorbell, the man from earlier opened it up

"You're late"

"Whatever man we had to push it the last mile" Phil didn't care he just wanted to get Max and continue looking for Doug

"Come on in, Mike's got something he wants to show you" they walked into a fancy house

"That thing's out of control man, seriously you gotta put it down"

"It's a tiger Phil, it's what it does" the trio turned and saw Max, freshly cleaned of all blood and dirt off her face and looking better than when she left them

"Max!" Phil cried happily and pulled her into his arms, she giggled softly and wrapped her arms around his wait "Are you ok?" he pulled back and looked her over

"Yeah Mike gave me some painkillers and let me wash my face, I feel really great right now" she looked up at him and saw the claw mark on his neck and gasp "Phil!" she brought her hand up and gently prodded the wound, he hissed slightly but didn't move away, he was just glad she was ok "What happened?"

"The tiger scratched me"

"We have to get that cleaned it can get infected"

"It's fine"

"No tigers touch their own shit with their claws you won't be fine if you don't get that cleaned up" she turned to the man who answered the door "Leonard, is it alright if I use the bathroom again to clean Phil, he got scratched by the tiger"

"Yeah just hurry up, you don't want to keep Mr Tyson waiting" she nodded and dragged Phil away whilst the others followed Leonard into the lounge room, she pulled him into the bathroom and told him to sit on the toilet lid

"I wish I was there to help you, how did you even get the tiger here?" she went to the cupboard and pulled out what she needed to clean his scratch

"We put roofies into a piece of raw steak and fed it to her" Max shook her head and walked back over to him with a cotton but and some disinfectant

"This will sting" she warned him and began swiping none too gently at the wound

"Ow!"

"Sorry but I have to get in there as far as I can" she rubbed his shoulder soothingly "I'm glad this was all the tiger did and not something worse" she put the cotton balls onto the table and applied some cream onto the wound "there all done, I'm not putting a patch on it because it needs room to breathe but you should be fine"

"Thanks, I'm glad you're alright" he pulled her to him and sat her on his lap

"Turns out Mike just took me because he saw the blood all over my face, he would have left me with you guys if I was ok" she sighed and pressed her forehead to Phil's

"When we find Doug and get him married, you and I need to talk" she sighed and looked away "we never did and I want us to clear the air because…I wanna be with you Max"

"Phil…we don't have to talk, it's all in the past and I forgave you"

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I don't want it resolved" he cupped her cheeks and made her look at him "Look, I care for you Max, I never stopped and I want to be there for you and Eden like I should have been…I never should have cheated on you"

"We had an argument and you got drunk, we don't have to speak about it, you're here now and not with her and that's what really matters to me" she kissed his lips gently and smiled when she heard him sigh and kiss her back "we can talk about this later I promise, right now we need to go talk to Mike before he gets pissed, Doug comes first right now"

"You're right" he stood from the toilet seat and followed her to where the others are

"When we got back, we took a look at the security cameras" Mike said as he motioned for Leonard to turn on the Tv

"Great"

 _"T_ _his is how you walk, this is how you walk"_ the entire group, including Doug were staggering through Mike's garden

"Oh it's Doug"

"Oh thank god he's alive"

"That's our buddy, that's who we've been missing"

"We're all best friends"

"Why don't you just pay attention? I don't have all night"

"Yeah of course, of course"

 _What are you doing"_

 _Hey guys check it out, watch this_ "

"That's me I'm on Tv, i've never been on TV before" they saw Alan pissing into a pool

 _What are you doing man?" TV Doug asked_

"Really? Really Alan?"

"That's gross"

 _You got a fire hose man?"_ Alan looked at a disgusted Mike Tyson

"Yeah, I was, uh-"

" _You're gonna overflow the pool man"_

"Maybe-should I wait outside?"

"I think that's a good idea Alan" Alan nodded and raced out of the room

"Don't touch anything out there either" Leonard warned

"You know what? He's not our good fr- we don't know him that well" the next part showed everyone walked the tiger out the front gate

 _Come on, Come on, Come on"_

 _This is my birthday present! I love cats"_ TV Max cheered and kissed Phil on the cheek

"By the way, where you get that cop car from?" Mike asked

"We, uh, stole it from these dumb ass cops"

"Nice" Mike and the others laughed "High five that one, yeah that's nice" they TV showed Phil putting the tiger in the car

"You know I just have to say, I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature"

 _Check it out, Stu, Stu, fuck this tiger"_ TV Phil stared humping the tiger, Max pulled him away and started kissing him aggressively

"Oh my god that's awful"

"Who does shit like that man?"

"Someone who has a lot of issues obviously, I'm a sick man"

"And apparently so am I" Max muttered, she pointed to the TV where Phil and her were now fucking on the hood of the car whilst the others cheers and watched, Stu covered his eyes when he saw Max was naked "That explains where my dress went"

"That's all we got"

"This was…hugely helpful" Stu took everyone's attention off the sex on the Tv "Really, because now we know that our buddy Doug was with us at 3:30, totally alive"

"Thanks again champ, and uh again, we are so sorry we stole your tiger"

"Don't worry about it man" Mike cut Phil off "Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up" they boys laughed whilst Max was looking at Alan who was walking around

"I told you he'd get it"

"I did say that"

"Mike, I'm a vet so I can look at your tiger before we leave if you want" Max offered "just to make sure she's alright"

"Yeah, you do that and we are cool" Max nodded and left the room, being a vet she was able to get the tiger out of the car and into her home without anyone, including her, getting hurt, she checked her over and saw that nothing was wrong, she was drugged up so she was a little out of it but other than that she was fine.

They said goodbye to Mike Tyson and sped off in their ruined car

 **Hmm more fluff for you! dun dun duuuuun! now you know what happened to Max and Phil, Max, ever the saint, if i was Max I would never forgive Phil...but then again i've never been in love so i wouldn't know.**

 **enough about me, i hope you enjoyed this chapter because the next one has Mr Leslie Chow in it...I think, i'm literally watching the movie as i type this so i can get the expression and movement and words perfect for your reading pleasure**

 **Stay tuned for the next chapter of Sinners in Sin city**

 **SCREAMINGKITTYCAT OUT!**


	9. Fuck the system

**Wow! I'm surprised that I was able to put a chapter up today, let alone type one out, as soon as I woke up we managed to blow a fuse so we had no power for six hours then I started drinking with the Fam because it's New years eve...Well actually I posted this a 1:13 a.m so HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2017 is finally here and i feel no different!**

E **njoy my first chapter of the new year!**

"You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass but I think he's kind of a sweetheart" Stu was driving this time as Phil didn't really feel up to it, his claw mark was still stinging as the disinfectant that Max put on him was doing it's magic

"I think he's mean" Alan was pouting beside Max

"Alright, I think it's officially time we call Tracy"

"Hallelujah, finally, Phil says something that makes sense"

"I mean we don't have much of a choice and who knows, maybe she's heard from Doug"

"That's what I've been saying this whole time"

"It's worth a shot but if Tracy had heard from him than shouldn't we have aswell?"

"It's better than leaving her in the dark Max" Phil turned his head slightly to look at her before speaking "we just need to be completely honest, we need to tell her everything" Stu cringed and raised his finger

"We don't have to tell her everything, we can leave out the stuff about me marrying a hooker, just stay focused on Doug"

"What am I gonna tell my dad?"

"Alan relax, it's just the inside-"

"Uh Phil?" Max saw a car speeding towards them

"-come one, I got a guy in L.A who's great with interiors-"

" **WATCH OUT!** " she screamed just as the car crashed into the side that Phil and Alan was sitting on, Stu's and Max's head crashed into the window, they screamed loudly whilst the car was pushed into a sign, the dancing girl on top of the sign swung down and cut through the roof

"Oh jesus!"

"Oh, my god" the other car slowly rolled away "Are you guys ok?"

"What the fuck?" the group looked over and saw a man in white suit pants and black blazer step out, they've seen that face before but last time it was connected to a naked Asian

"I know that guy, that's the guy from the trunk"

"Shit I punched his nose…." Max whimpered and slid down the seat, hoping Phil's body hid her's

"Get out of the car, please" the Asian man said politely yet you could hear the underlying threat in his tone

"W—w—wait, those are the guys that shot Eddie" Stu pointed to the two men that stood protectively behind the fancy man, the fancy man spoke in another language and clapped his hands

"Listen—" one of the thugs grabbed Phil and dragged him out the window, Max tensed and shot out of the car

"Easy, easy"

"Come on" the man ordered

"Ok, alright" Phil pulled away from the man once he was on his feet and pulled Max to him when she raced to his side, she was scared shitless but she was prepared to try to beat the shit out of these thugs If they hurt Phil, she wouldn't win but she wasn't going to stand still and watch Phil get hurt

"Hey relax, ow, ow, ow!" Stu yelped as he too was pulled out the window of the concaved door "I have whiplash"

"Get this other fat boy" the leader of this thug group ordered, pointing to Alan

"Hey, hey, hey" Alan cried, wincing as the thugs arms pressed into his chubby stomach

"Alright, alright"

"Hey take it easy, take it easy!" the leader raised his hand, the motion telling the thugs to step back

"I want my purse back assholes"

"What? Your purse?" Phil sneered at the small man

"That's not a purse, it's a satchel" Alan cried

"It's a purse ok?" the man snapped back "And you steal from wrooong guy"

"Wait a second, wait a second" Phil leaned on Max slightly when he felt his hip ache, the car hit directly where he was sitting "we stole from you?" Max felt Phil wince and looked at him with a concerned frown

"Ok, you know what?" said Stu sarcastically "we don't remember anything that happened last night so help us out a little here" one of the thugs answered for his boss

"Well, apparently you guys met at a craps table late last night" he pointed to Alan "you were on a heater and he played your hot streak, he ended up winning just under 80 grand" the gang's eyes widened

"No shit? Eighty grand is nice"

"Ok, that's good" the thug continued

"He put the chips in his purse and then you guys took off with it" the boss clenched his man purse angrily

"That doesn't sound like us"

"Mine had $80,000 inside and this one? Nothing" the small man threw the purse down on the floor and stamped on it, Alan pushed off the car and glared at him

"Hey, there are skittles in there" Alan moved to grab the bag but the thug that stood beside his boss punched him in the gut "Ow! Oh, not again" he staggered away, the boss laughed

"Don't let the beard fool you, he's a child"

"It's funny because he's fat" Stu pushed Alan away

"Now look, this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding, Alan picked up the wrong purse, it's no big deal" the boss looked at Stu

"Ok, if it's 'no big deal, why, when I come after you guys he starts screaming like crazy and throw me in the trunk?" he pointed to Phil

"What, I did that?"

"Yeah, you said he was your lucky charm and you want to take him home with you" Phil and Stu laughed

"Lucky charm"

"Oh, it's just funny" the small man laughed sarcastically

"Ahhhh fuck you"

"Look sir" Max stepped forward "we are really sorry for what we did, we will do anything to amend our mistakes" she gave him a soft reassuring smile, the leader hummed and pointed at her

"Fine, If you want to make me happy you get me my 80 grand, do that and you get to see your friend again"

"What?"

"Our friend?"

"You have Doug?" shouted Stu

"You know about our friend?" the thug standing behind Phil banged on the side of his car, a man with a bag over his head struggled and muttered unintelligible words, the gang all shouted Doug's name and ran to the car but was stopped by the thugs

"Doug's in the car! Doug's in the car!"

"Doug, it's ok!"

"Doug you're gonna be fine!"

"You chill out goatee!"

"Ok, ok, alright, fine, fine" Phil brought his hands out to show he surrendered

"What do you want?" ordered Stu sternly

"Ahh not so good now Quid pro quo, Douche bag"

"What?" Phil looked at the thugs

"Look, were very sorry but this is an easy fix" the teacher pointed to the bearded child "Alan, where's his purse?"

"I don't know"

"Ehh it's in the hotel room right?"

"Yeah we can get it" Stu and Phil looked back at the leader of this weird K-pop group "We can get you the—"

"We can even write you a check right now"

"No check, cash only" Stu glared at the boss

"There's a person in there!"

"Boring" the boss yawned "Take nap, come on"

"Wait, I'm sorry we're boring you!"

"You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!"

"Don't attack the car Phil! You'll make it worse for Doug!" Max yelled as the car reversed away from the group, the back window rolled down

"Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn"

"What?" Phil wanted to punch this little Asian man right in the mouth, or right on the bruise he had on his nose from where Max punched him, he was surprised that he didn't kill Max for that

"Toodle-oo, mother fuckeeeeeeeeeeeeer" the window closed and the car sped away

"Well, at least take the bag off his head fuck!"

"We're coming back for you Doug!" Phil, Max and Stu raced back to Alan and the car "get in the car Alan we don't have time to fuck around!" Alan squeaked at Max's livid expression and ran over to the car door, he swung it open and crawled inside "you two, get in the car, fuck the traffic just get to Caesars Palace right now!" Phil and Stu nodded and jumped into the car once Max was in the back, they agreed with Max's anger, they wanted Doug back as soon as possible, who knows what that little Asian shit will do to their friend if they don't get the purse back on time

As soon as the gang arrived to their Villa they raced inside and looked over every inch of their room, they searched the bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, hot tub (it could be at the bottom) and even in all the cupboards they were that desperate, they needed to save Doug and get him to his wedding "Guys I'm telling you, I looked for it this morning before we left, it's not anywhere"

"That don't mean shit Alan you were hungover as fuck this morning you could have missed it" Max snapped, her anger was making her take it out of Alan since he was the easiest target

"Fuck" Phil sighed heavily and looked at the group "Stu, how much you got in the bank"

"Uh about 10 grand maybe more, I was gonna use it for the wedding"

"Well you're already married so we're good there, besides enough with Melissa she's the worst"

"Yeah Doug told me she had sex with a pilot or something"

"It was a bartender on a cruise, what is wrong with you people?"

"For all you know Stu she could have fucked a pilot" Alan found a pizza and took a bite out of it

"Ew, Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?" Stu looked at Alan in disgust

"Yes" Phil leant against the couch and rubbed his temple

"What are we gonna do? We are so fucked" the teacher, the dentist and the vet all sighed heavily, despair washing over them

"Hey guys?"

"Did you find it?" Stu asked, hope filling him

"Nope" he pulled out a blackjack book "but check this out" the group had a moment of clarity as they all got the same idea

"This is great" Max jumped up from the chair she was sitting on "everyone get changed into your fanciest clothing and meet back here, we are getting Doug back" she grabbed Phil and dragged him to their room

"You are being very intense" commented Phil, he stayed near the door and watched Max race around to get clothing for him and herself

"We need to get Doug back no matter what" Phil strode forward and grabbed her shoulders, stopping her from running, he turned her around and forced her to look up at him by grabbing her chin

"Slow down, an angry Max is a stupid Max, we need the smart vet" Max took in a deep breath and let it out

"You're right, I need to keep a level head if we're going to get 80 grand tonight" she stroked his arm and smiled at him "what would I do without you?"

"Crash and burn baby crash and burn…"

The gang all went for a shower to wash away all the dirt and blood they accumulated from the many attacks that have happened to them today, the boys put on their best suits whilst Max had to wait for Stu to call his wife Jade and ask her to help them and bring a dress for her, she was roughly the same size as the escort and was able to tighten the light blue dress with a belt that sat just under her breasts and a black cardigan to hide the lumps at the back. They got Stu to get out all the money that he saved for his wedding before heading off to the casino, Jade met them at the front entrance and they began their plan, Stu and Jade would be a random couple betting against Alan, Alan would be Max's brother and Max would be married to Phil.

As time passed Alan got into the game more and more and their chips pile grew higher and higher, the bearded child's eyes showed ferocity and determination to cheat the system and win the money they owed, he calculated every move possible and counted the others cards. Phil and Max were standing behind, their arms linked together to make everyone believe that they were a happy couple, their real objective was to watch the security guards and undercover patrols in case they became too suspicious of Alan

"Hey uh, these seats taken?" Stu saw his cue and walked in with Jade on his arm

"No feel free" Phil patted Alan's shoulder, praying to god that Alan could win and not get caught

"Alright let's play some blackjack!" the game began and Alan was fighting as if his life depended on it but in this case Doug's life depended on it

"That's it, shut up bitches!" Phil cheered when Alan won a game, Max cleared her throat and pulled him back to her side

"Don't bring any attention to us, Stu and Jade are the ones doing that not us" she grabbed his dink and downed it for him "You've had enough to drink"

Alan was doing good but he was bringing attention to himself, Max looked at Jade and they shared a look and she walked over to where Stu was sitting, as the security walked towards them Jade stood up from her chair and crashed into Max, their drinks splashing over each other, Jade fell to the floor and Max fell on top of her "Ah!" the two girl yelped in pretend pain, Max rolled off Jade and began groaning in pain alongside her, the security guards attention went from Alan's to the girls on the floor

"Oh my god" Phil hurried over to help his 'wife'

"Are you ok?"

"I am so sorry I'm such a klutz, I get so nervous when I gamble, I'm so silly" Jade cried to Max who groaned and waved her off, Phil helped Max sit up whilst the security guard went to help Jade

"Hold on a beat" Stu stopped the man "Let's just take it easy, this is my wife"

"It's hurting" Jade groaned

"Ma'am do you need help?" the security man asked Max

"No I was the one who fell on her, she's probably in more pain than me, please take care of her"

"Does it hurt? Does it hurt?"

"Oh ow"

"You alright?"

"I don't know"

"I don't know either, I don't" Stu looked off to the side "yeah I think your fine"

"Really? Ok" the guard and Stu helped Jade up whilst Phil helped Max up

"I'm sorry, I think she's had a bit much to drink" Stu pushed his chips to the dealer "that's for you buddy" he walked away, not looking back at the empty chair where Alan oce was or the empty area where Phil and Max once stood

"That was amazing!" Max cheered to Jade once they were far enough away from the casino

"I know you were perfect"

"No you were perfect, did I actually hurt you?"

"No you didn't, I thought I hurt you, you were groaning like you were actually in pain!"

"Alright ladies break it up" Phil wandered over and wrapped his arms around Max's waist from behind "you can have your slumber party another time" he looked to Jade "Thank you so much Jade for helping us"

"Of course, Mr Chow is a major player here in Vegas, you have to be on his good side but none of you could have known that so it was my pleasure to help" she turned to Stu and smiled "see you later?" she asked hopefully

"Ahh yeah, definitely" Jade giggled and kissed his cheek, she bid them all goodbye and rushed off to get Tyler from the babysitter

"Alright, to Mojave desert"

 **It's getting closer and closer to the end, I am definitely going to write The Hangover II after this is finished, I love Bradeley Cooper he's sooo hot haha**

 **SCREAMINGKITTYCAT OUT! 3**


	10. We found Doug!

**The final chapter had arrived but not the final chapter of the series, this is but one of the many chapters I will have on The Hangover**

 **Please enjoy**

"And 100, 200, 300, 400 Hooh with all this, that's $82,400" the others cheered and laughed

"Oh goddamn it, I don't fucking believe it"

"Whoo!"

"Yes!"

"Alan, you're the man!" Alan began blushing

"You are too Phil" the bearded child said bashfully

Phil smiled "We should come back next week, take the whole city down"

"I'm free next week"

Max shrugged "As long as we're not drugged, sure"

Stu shook his head "Or we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now"

"Uh you know what? Next week's no good, the Jonas Brothers are in town" Max rolled her eyes at Alan "But any week after that is totally fine"

"I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around guys" Phil's grin nearly split his face in half "We are back baby, we are fucking back"

Stu turned around and punched Alan's shoulder "We're back, classic" Alan shoved him back " _We are baaaack, we are baaaack"_

"That's right"

 _We are getting Doug baaaack"_

 _And we're the four best friends that anyone could have, we're the four best friends that anyone could have, we're the four best friends that anyone can have and we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever, leave each other"_ the other three looked away from the child _"We're the best four friends that anybody could have I mean the four best friends that anybody could have, that's right, the four best friends that anybody can have-"_

"Alan, please, stop singing" Max hissed in annoyance, she got it, they were the four best friends that anyone could have the first time he said it

"Sorry Max"

"It's fine, it was a good song but we uh-" she looked to Phil for help

"We're nearly there so it would be good to keep quiet" Max gave him a thankful look

"Oh your right, need to be serious, gotcha" Alan nodded and pretended to zip his mouth shut, they saw Mr Chows car and drove in front of it, they stopped just before it and waited for something to happen

"Now what?" asked Phil

Alan leant forward "Give him the signal, Flash your lights, let him know it's on"

"What's on?"

"The deal" Phil shook his head

"Of course it's on, we just drove 30 miles in the desert, he knows it's on"

Stu snapped "Phil just do something"

Phil sighed "Fine" he blinked the lights, after a second the thugs from last night stepped out, followed by Chow "Oh shit" Phil blinked in surprise

"See?"

"Alright let's go" the quartet crawled hesitantly out of the car window since the doors were still broken, Alan flopped onto the car and Chow laughed at him

"Ahaha funny fat guy fall on face"

"You ok?" Stu asked Alan

Phil turned to the boss "Alright, we got the money, eighty grand, cash"

"Throw it over, then I give you Doug" Stu stepped forward and sneered

"Um, I'm sorry, first of all, good morning, and we didn't catch your name last night"

"Mr Chow, Leslie Chow"

"That's right, Jade mentioned you last night" Stu smiled "Mr Chow, it is a pleasure, my name is Stu and we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug before we give you the money, just to verify that he's ok"

"Please, if that's cool"

Chow nodded "Of course, Stu, that is cool" he clapped his hands togehter and spoke in a foreign language, one of the thugs walked over to their car and pulled out Doug, the gang sighed in relief

"See, he fine, now give me money" Chow pointed to Doug "Or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers and then we take it, your choice, bitches"

Phil huffed "give him the money, Stu"

"Ok" Stu grabbed the purse and threw it over to Mr Chow, he handed it to his thug to check for him

"It's all there" the thug said to his boss

"Let him go" Chow ordered, the thug holding Doug pushed him forward and over to the gang

"Alright, take it easy, take it easy" the bag over Doug's head was pulled off

"Ta-da" the person under the bag was not their Doug, infact they didn't know this person

"Is this some kind of joke? Who the hell is this?" Phil shouted angrily

"This is not Doug"

"Give us _our_ Doug"

"What you talking about, Willis? That him"

"No I'm sorry Mr Chow, that's not our friend"

"He-that's—" Alan went to speak but changed what he was going to say "The Doug we're looking for is a white" the duct tape over the man was ripped off his mouth

"Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy little boy" the man snapped back to look at Alan "damn Alan, what the fuck you got me into?"

"You know him?" Alan nodded

"This is the guy that sold me that bad drugs how you doing?"

"I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs"

"Wait, he sold you the Ruphylin?" the man looked Stu

"Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru-? What-?" Phil growled

"Who gives a shit!? Where is Doug!?" he yelled, moving over to grab the man but Max grabbed his arm and stopped him

"I am Doug"

"Your name's Doug?"

"Yes, I'm Doug" Chow yawned and walked away

"His name's Doug too, ha, classic mix up" Alan giggled

"Come on" Chow ordered his men to leave but Phil wasn't having it

"Hey, Chow, you gave us the wrong Doug!"

"Not my problem"

"No fuck that shit! Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you!" Black Doug walked to Phil

"No, come on, I'll be your Doug" Chow sneered

"Oh yeah, ok, oh I take him back, right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts" he grabbed his crotch

"Ah, that's nasty" Black Doug turned away in disgust

"Mmm, how that sound?" he looked at Max "Unh, pshh" he made a jerking motion and splooged at her direction

"Eww!" Max cringed and stepped closer to Phil

"So long gay boys, lezbo girl" Chow walked to his car

"Wait a second"

"He's a nasty little motherfucker"

Alan turned to Doug "Did you ever get any ecstasy?"

"No I ain't got no fucking ecstasy"

"Goddamn it!" Phil screamed and kicked at the ground, this was too much

"Gosh darn it"

"Shit!"

"Shoot!" Max slumped down to the floor and covered her face with her hands, she had finally given up, Doug was obviously dead because they couldn't find him

"I'm calling Tracy" Phil walked away from the group and pulled out his phone

 _"H_ _ello?"_

"Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil"

 _Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out"_

"Yeah, listen Uh…we fucked up"

 _What are you talking about?"_

"The bachelor party, the whole night it…things got out of control, uh…and we lost Doug"

 _What?"_

"We can't find Doug"

 _What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in five hours_ "

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen"

"Thanks for the lift back to town" Black Doug said to the rest of the group

"I got a question for you?" Stu asked Doug

"What's up?"

"How did you wind up in Chow's car?"

"That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday"

"Ok but why? I mean why you?"

"Because he thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio"

"What?"

"We were at the Bellagio?" Alan asked, completely forgetting that Stu mentioned that this morning

"Yeah, we were shooting craps you don't remember?"

"No, no we don't remember" Stu replied sarcastically "because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy"

"Ruphylin, there you go with that word, Ruphylin, what the hell is a Ruphylin?"

"Wow you are the world's shittiest drug dealer"

"Ruphylin is roofies fuck face…you sold Alan roofies" Max growled from the floor

"Oh shit, I must have mixed up the bags, my fault Alan" Doug cringed "damn, Marshall's gonna be pissed off at me on that one"

"Whatever" Stu muttered to himself but Doug continued

"It's funny, because just the other day me and my boy, we was wondering why they even call them roofies, you know what I'm talking about?"

"No, don't know" Stu didn't really care

"Why not floories, right? Because when you take them you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof, what about groundies? That's a good new name for them"

"Or how about rapies?" Stu snapped his head to look at Doug

"Wait, what did you just say?"

"Rapies"

"Not you Alan, Doug, what did you say before?"

"I said groundies"

"No before that, you said 'your more likely to wind up on the floor than…'" Stu eyes widened along with Max's, they both shot after Phil

"Listen trace, I'm really sorry, I—" Phil was interrupted by Stu and Max who tackled him to the ground, Stu snatched the phone off of him

 _Phil? Hello?"_

" Tracy, it's Stu"

 _Stu, talk to me, what's going?"_

"Uh nothing, don't listen to Phil he's completely out of his mind, he's probably still drunk from last night" behind Stu was Max who was apologizing to a gasping Phil

 _Where's Doug?"_

"He is paying the bill, we just had a delicious brunch and uh we're in a hurry to get back so we gotta get going, ok we'll see you soon, bye" he hung up before Tracy could say anything, Phil pushed Max away and tried to attack Stu

"What the fuck man?" Stu raised his hands up

"I know where Doug is!" Phil stopped fighting to stare at Stu

"Stop looking at each other! Get up, get up!" Max yelled and pulled Phil up to stand, they raced to the car and got the others into it aswell, they explained to Alan what was going on, the bearded child cheered giddily

"How in the world did you find out where Doug is?" Phil asked

"I don't know man, it just hit me, you remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?"

"Yeah we threw it out the window"

"No impossible, you can't open windows in Vegas hotels"

"Well, then how did it get-?" Phil stopped when he realised what Stu was getting out "Oh my god!"

"HA HA HA" the three who knew what was going on were laughing gleefully, the other two looked confused

"Whoa, wait, what's going on?"

"Doug was trying to signal someone"

"Holy shit!"

"Yes"

"How did you figure that out?"

"Doug made me realize it"

"Doug?"

"Uh, not our Doug, black Doug"

"Hey, hey, easy with that shit, come on"

"Sorry Doug" Stu wasn't sorry

"Can someone tell me where white Doug is?" Phil turned around to Max and Alan

"He's on the roof, Alan"

"Yes, he's on the roof, we must have taken him up there as a prank" Max perked up at that

"Oh like that one time at summer camp"

"That's right"

"Yeah, we moved his sleeping bag in the jetty at the lake?" Phil continued for Max whilst she giggled at the back

"Ha, ha, ha, which was hilarious…it's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him"

"Fuck we're stupid" Max said between giggles

"You guys are retarded, you know that?" Phil ignored Doug and continued speaking

"Holy shit, you think he's still up there?"

"There's only one way to find out"

"We are gonna find Doug~ we are gonna find Douug!" Max was jumping up and down on her seat, a huge smile lit up her face, Phil looked at her with a fond smile, after everything she can still smile like she was the most happiest person in the world, Max's gaze wandered over to him and stayed there, her big smile softened and her eyes looked at him with affection

When they arrived at Caesars Palace they ditched black Doug and raced to the very top of the hotel, Phil swung the door open and raced onto the deck "Doug!"

"Doug!"

"Doug, you up here buddy!?

"Doug its Max! Are you here!?"

"Hey guys!" Stu screamed from the other side "He's over here!" they all cheered and raced to the Dentist, they saw an extremely sunburnt Doug slouched against a wall "Hey I found him! He's over here"

"Doug!"

"Oh shit" Stu stumbled to the floor and looked at Doug, his face was red and his lips were cracked and dry

"He's ok" Stu laughed hysterically "You're ok, ha, ha, ha!" Doug was staring at Stu with blurry eyes "Oh god, we gotta go buddy, come on" Stu and Max helped Doug to stand on his wobbly feet "Oh we have been looking everywhere for you"

"Oh Doug I'm so glad you're safe"

"He's alive"

"What the fuck is going on?" Doug complained with a croaky voice, he waddled step by step slowly

"We can explain everything but right now we gotta go" Phil stepped in front of Doug

"Hey bud, you ok?"

"No, not ok"

"You look good, you got some colour, I'm jealous"

"I'm getting married today"

"Yes you are and Doug that's why you need to focus and do everything we say because frankly you're wasting a little bit of time right now" Doug stopped looking around and glared at Phil with pure venom

"You fucking asshole!" Doug lurched forward and spear tackled Phil to the ground, he screamed when Phil's body touched his sunburns "AHH! Oh my skin burns, my skin burns oh ow! God!" Alan knelt over Doug and stroked his cheek

"It's ok, it's not your fault Doug" the sunburnt man slapped Alan's hand away

"Don't touch me, shut up, all of you shut up, just get me home, just get me home" Max pushed Stu and Alan out of the way

"Move out of the way idiots, let me take care of him" She hesitantly reached her hands out "where can I touch you?"

"Hand, the hands" Doug hissed out, Max nodded and gently grasped his hands

"Ok up you get, nice and slow" as she pulled Doug up she looked at Alan "Alan go and find a wheelchair or something, Doug shouldn't walk right now" Alan nodded and scurried off to do what he was told "Now, let's get you inside and in the cold for a bit before we hit the road, Phil, Stu I want you to _carefully_ help Doug inside" the boys nodded and put their shoulders under Doug's arm, they had to bend a little as Doug was shorter than them "Let's get him to Tracy before she blows a fuse"

"What about the one after that? You cannot be serious!" Stu was on the phone to American Airways (I think that's a thing) he snapped his phone shut with a curse "Oh, goddamn it!"

"What?" Phil asked as he pushed Doug down the ramp, Max was trailing behind with a bag full of water for Doug to drink as he was incredibly dehydrated

"Every flight to L.A is booked"

"What about Burbank?"

"Totally sold out"

"Oh, fuck! We can drive there, the wedding starts in three and a half hours, Alan where's the car?"

"It's on it's way"

"You now what? We can drive there, we can make it ok?"

"Hey Stu" Max nudged him and pointed to down the path, Jade was sitting on a bench, she waved to him with a shy smile

"Just give me one second" Stu jogged away

"We will leave without you"

"Is he missing a tooth?"

"Yeah" Max knelt down and passed a fresh bottle over to Doug to drink

"How are you feeling Doug?"

"Better but my skin burns" she nodded and patted his hand

"You'll feel even better once you get some more water in you, don't drink too fast or you'll puke" Doug nodded and continued to sip, Max stood back up and went over to Phil "we should get Doug in the car, as soon as Stu finishes whatever he is doing we should take off"

"Yeah you're right but first" Phil smirked and pulled Max into a passionate kiss that left her breathless

"What was that for?"

"Just really happy that we found Doug"

"Oh well we should lose Doug more often if I can get a kiss like that from you"

"Please don't" Doug said from his wheelchair, he was not able to see what they were doing but could guess something happened between them for them to be closer than before, he was glad they we closer, it made Phil happy and gave him more motivation to get the divorce done, and Max deserved happiness aswell and her son Eden deserved for his parents to be together, sure Eli would be sad but he had 6 years with his parents together that Eden hasn't and hey maybe Eli will be happy to have a brother.

The Mercedes stopped beside them and they began loading it up with their luggage, they helped Doug into the back seat "It's good get in"

"No safety first"

"Alan it's fine, it's down"

"No, I gotta get it down first" Phil huffed and jumped up from the drivers seat

"Jesus Christ lookout" he and Max jumped up and started smashing and stomping on the roof to lock it in place

"Don't mess the car up" they ignored Alan "you're gonna mess the car up"

"There it's fixed" Phil turned around and walked back to the drivers seat, Alan crawled in and sat beside him "He's still fucking talking, Stu come on!!"

"Stu come on" Alan copied Phil which earned him a glare

"Yo Alan get in the back"

"Aw Phil, why do I have to sit in the back" Alan whined

"Because I want Max up here so move your ass" the bearded child grumbled and sat where Max once sat

"Thank you Alan"

"Yeah yea" Alan huffed and looked off to the side, Stu skipped over and jumped into the middle seat

"Alright let's go"

"Yeah" Phil sped out of the drop off at the hotel and drove away from Vegas, they were making record time with how fast he was driving

"At least the trip wasn't a total disaster"

"What makes you say that?" Alan asked

"When I woke up on the roof, I happened to find $80,000 worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket" he pulled the chips out to show the group

"Oh!"

"Oh, my god!"

"Fuck yeah!"

"Looks like we're going home with some money, boys" they all erupted into cheers, finally something good happened to them on this bachelor party.

A van pulled up beside them and honked it's horn "Here he comes, that's him" the sliding door opened and metal head looking guy smiled at them "Hey Neeco!"

"Hey what's up Alan?"

"Whoo!" Neeco threw four brown paper bags at Stu

"Whoa look out!" he pointed ahead of him

"Oh shit!" Phil swerved around the car at the last second and Neeco chucked the last back

"Thanks Neeco!"

"You got it man!" Phil drove off

"Who the hell was that guy?"

"That's my buddy"

"Stu, grab my bag I still have Jade's black dress I can wear for the wedding" Stu nodded at leant over the boot, with Alan holding him he managed to fish out the dress and pass it to Max, she stood up and began undressing

"Evert your eyes or take it all in!" she shouted when she was stripped down to her lacy underwear

"If I wasn't driving I would be staring at you!" Phil yelled, he pulled off to the side of the road and they all got out to change minus Max who was still changing in the car, they put their clothes in the boot and all rushed back into the car

They drifted into the car park and ran over Alan's house, in record time they smashed the front door open and stumbled inside "Hey sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route" the people inside stared at them like they were from out of space, Doug was red like a tomato, Stu was missing a tooth, Alan had a bruised eye, Phil at a split lip and Max had a massive cut above her brow and hickeys all over her neck

"What are we waiting for, Christmas?" Max cheered with a smile "let's get this wedding started!"

The ceremony was absolutely beautiful, the whole gang including Max where standing to the right of Doug, she may be a woman but she was Doug's very first friends and deserved to be there. Tracy was looking stunning and was far more beautiful than the other girls. The two lovers shared their vows and said their I Do's and they were married and it was onto the reception, Phil waded through the crowd and found his son beside his mother, he raced over and hugged Eli tightly "can I steal him?" he asked his soon to be ex-wife who was glaring at him

"Yeah take him, you're supposed to have him tonight anyway" Phil brought Eli into his arms "can we talk, I wanna clear the air with you, I want this marriage to work" Stephanie pleaded softly

"I'm sorry Steph but it's not going to work, I may have had feeling for you once but they're gone"

"It's Max isn't it" she snapped "I wish she never went to Vega with you then you would never have gotten back together with her"

"Look I said I'm sorry but I want to be with Max and if you really cared about me you would let me go and be happy" without another word he turned around and left with his son

"Are you and mommy fighting?" Eli asked

"No Eli we're not" he gave him a reassuring smile "I want you to meet someone" they stopped in front of Max who was cuddling a three year old boy who looked exactly like Phil, even at such a young age he had his father's dazzling icy blue eyes and curly hair "This is Max and your brother Eden"

"I have a brother?" Eli asked, an excited smile pulling his cheeks up

"Yep" Max set Eden down and allowed him to crawl over Eli once he too was on the floor, she shuffled over to Phil and kissed him on the cheek "I'm glad they could finally meet"

"So am I, how did talking to Steph go?"

"Well she's not happy, she knew we were back together and was going to yell at me but I got away before she could"

"Yeah I don't think it's a good idea to start an argument at Doug's party, he's had enough drama, he doesn't need a psycho screaming" they sat down at a table and put their kids on their laps

"What the fuck is going on!" they covered their kids ears and looked over to where they heard the scream, Melissa was staring at Stu with pure fury in her eyes

"What did you say about a psycho screaming?"

"We went to Las Vegas"

"Oh really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?"

"Because my best friend was getting married, that's what guys do" Stu calmly replied

"Ok, that's not what you do!"

"Really?"

"Yes"

"Well then why did I do it huh? Because I did it, riddle me that?" Stu's voice raised slightly "Why'd I do it? Sometimes all you want me to do is what you want me to do well I'm sick of doing what you want me to do all the time, in a healthy relationship, a guy should be able to do what he wants"

"THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS!"

"Oh good! Because whatever this is ain't working for me!" Phil and Max shared a slowly growing smile, Stu was finally standing up for himself

"Oh really?"

"Since when!?"

"Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June, boom!"

"You told me it was a bartender" Alan chimed in, completely oblivious to the massive screaming match he was weighing into

"Oh, your right, I stand corrected it was a bartender, you fucked a bartender"

"You're an idiot"

"You're—you—" he groaned "You're such a bad person, like all the way through to your core" he tapped the table and grabbed Alan "Alan, shall we dance?" Stu ran away from Melissa and ran straight into Doug's arms, Phil and Max passed their kids onto Max's friend and ran over to their friend who just made the biggest change in his life, they had a huge group hug that Tracy was pulled into aswell, she was part of the gang now too "Whooo!

"You guys are awesome!"

"Hey Max, Eden want's you" a gorgeous Thaiwanese woman walked up with Eden in her arms

"Oh thank you" Max grabbed Eden and looked to the group "guys this is Lauren, she was my dorm mate in college"

"Hi" Lauren waved, Stu was blushing like mad as he looked at the gorgeous angel that stood before him

They partied—lite—right until it was almost dark and the last rays of the sun were disappearing, whilst everyone chatted to each other over at the reception, the gang were hanging out at a small table with outdoor chairs to relax in, Phil had Eli sleeping on his chest whilst Max had Eden "Dougie" Stu said softly, not wanting to break this peaceful atmosphere that they haven't been able to have for two days "I gotta tell you man, this was a gorgeous wedding"

"I give it six months" Phil commented jokingly

"You're a dick"

"I don't know what to say, thanks for the bachelor party I guess?"

Max snorted into her bottle of beer "Yeah I don't think so tomato"

Doug glared at her and said, "Shut up Max"

"I just wish we could actually remember some of it"

Alan skipped to their little group with a silver camera in had "Hey guys? Look what I found"

"Whoa, that's my camera" Doug said as he looked at the bearded child

"Yea it was lodged in the back seat of the car"

"Oh go—are there photos on it?" Stu tensed in fear

"Yeah, some of it's even worse than we thought" Phil leant forward in his chair

"No fucking way, give me that"

"Wa—wa—wait" Doug stood up and grabbed the camera "wait, wait, wait" he looked around to see if anyone was coming "we look at these pictures together, ok? One time and then we delete the evidence"

"I say we delete it right now" protested Stu, the group all stood up and huddled behind Stu

Phil shook his head "are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital, is that in there?"

"Yeah it's in there"

"Guys, one time, deal?"

"Deal"

"Ok"

"Fine" Doug brought up the camera and turned it on, all their faces drained of colour

"Oh dear lord!"

"That's classic!!!"

 **!PHOTO TIME!**

Alan passed out with a naked woman's breasts near his face

Stu hugging strippers

Chow dancing with strippers

Phil had a lollypop in his mouth and was feeding it to Max who was lying on the table in only her lacy underwear

Group photo with a drag queen behind them

Alan trying to steal Chows purse

Phil tackling Chow to the floor

Stu dancing with Jade

Jade and Stu making out

Max was laying upside down on Phil's lap with her legs spread in the air and her womanhood thrusted into his face

She now had no top on and was grinding her hips on his member

Alan getting a lap dance

Stu once again making out with Jade

Stu pulling out his tooth

Stu's mouth covered in blood whilst he held out his tooth to the camera

Doug laying on newspaper vending machines

Alan sleeping with his head resting on a parking meter

Stu downing an entire bottle of bourbon

Stu throwing it back up

Doug holding a gun whilst Alan and Phil arrested two strangers

Alan playing slots with an old woman

Alan shooting a gun into the air

Max making out with Phil

Alan playing dice whilst the others are cheering him on

Chow kissing Alan's cheek

Alan asleep on the table

The gang all hanging out in a limo with strippers

Alan getting kissed by two strippers

Stu hanging out with Carrot Top

Group photo with Carrot Top

St about to punch Carrot Top whose snorting cocaine

Alan getting his belly button pierced

Stu getting into a fight

Alan posing on top of a fountain

Alan swimming in said fountain

Phil in hospital whilst Alan and Stu are laughing

Phil laughing with a bottle in his hands whilst still in hospital

Phil making out with Max in the hospital

Chow hugging a stripper

Chow getting his dick sucked by same stripper

Doug asleep on a mattress on the roof

Alan humping a sleeping Doug

Mike Tyson asleep with his girlfriend

Phil and Stu posing with the sleeping Tyson

Phil pretending to punch Mike

Doug riding a tiger

Tiger hugging Alan

Max hugging tiger

The gang posing in front of the cop car with the tiger inside

Phil and Max having sex on said cop car

Alan getting sucked off by an old lady

Phil getting sucked off by Max

Alan and Phil highflying whilst they are getting their dicks sucked

The boys holding up Jade whilst Max is underneath with her arm spread wide

Stu giving Jade a piggyback ride whilst she shows off her wedding ring

Stu trying to kiss Alan

The gang all posing together at Stu's wedding

 **I'm actually going to post one more chapter, i really small one but it's going to be just between Max and Phil**

 **SCREAMINGKITTYCAT OUT!**


	11. Lets be a family

**Bonus**

Max was staying the night at Tracy's house as they had partied until 2 in the morning, she had just finished putting Eden in the room both he and Eli were sharing and had gone to her own room to change when someone knocked on the door "it's open" the door slipped open softly and Phil slid inside "Hey Phil what's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you actually" she nodded and sat on the side of her bed, she patted to the spot beside her "Doug's wedding is over now so..."

"Yep, we can talk now that we don't have to worry about Doug being dead or missing" she turned to him with a smile

"Max, you may have forgiven me for cheating on you with Steph but I haven't, I will never forgive myself for that"

"Phil—" he raised a hand to stop her

"I want to prove to you that I will never hurt you again, I want to make you happy"

"Phil it's fine, if you remember you cheated on Steph with me, that's how Eden was born so it technically makes it even"

"It doesn't matter, and whilst I'm glad Eden is here I feel terrible that he wasn't raised with his father"

"He's only 3, there is plenty of time for you to catch up what on you missed" she grabbed his hand and intertwined it with hers

"That's what I want aswell" Phil sighed before speaking "If you will have me, I want you to move in to where I'm living, it's bigger than your apartment and is an actual house where we can raise Eden and maybe have more kids if you want?"

"Really?" Max was staring at Phil with wide, hopeful eyes "you mean it?"

"Yes, I want to be with you Max, more than anything, I want to get to know you again and maybe one day…marry you" Max loud of a breath she didn't know she was holding

"I want to be with you too…" Phil smiled and kissed her hard, his arm came up and wrapped around her waist, pulling her into his lap

"Hmmm" she hummed and began unbuttoning his shirt, for the rest of the night they made love to each other to replace all the times they fucked when they were drugged

This was only the beginning of their fucked up and crazy life they will now share together

 **And we are done! for now, thank you to all who have read this story and a big thank you to DracoMaylfoySecretWife for reviewing, you have me a major motivation boost that helped me to complete this story! Now I shall be doing The Hangover II or in this case Sinners in Bangcock (It's meant to be spelt that way) I will post another chapter when the first chapter is up of this story so you guys can stay informed**

 **SCREAMINGKITTYCAT OUT!**


	12. The next story

**I have started the next story called Sinners in BangCock, you guys can head on over to my profile and take a look at it, i only have 3 chapters but I will be posting everyday if i can**


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